2006-07-02 - 12:31 p.m.

I just did three very important things.

1. Sent off a request for a spot in a three month language course.

2. Sent off a request to volunteer with a group here in Spain that aids stray animals.

3. Sent off for information regarding a week long writers workshop in Italy.

The language classes I am inquiring about seem perfect for me. Twice a week for short intervals over the course of three months. And they are in Barcelona. The school is located on the one street I know very well so that would minimalize the stress of being in a completely unknown place while still getting me to the city twice a week. The three month thing will help me get used to spending time going to classes. My last round of language classes were just not suited for me at all. Five days a week, six hours a day. I dreaded them with every fiber of my being. It was hard to live with that.

The volunteer work is through Check it out. Catalunya has one of the most ethical animal welfare programs in place that I have ever heard of. In a couple, few decades, if people continue to help with their mission, there will be very few stray, uncared for animals. Right now, because they do not euthanize, there are so many animals in need of aid. It is even illegal to declaw your cats here. Not just because they believe it is harmful for the cat (I have a hard time with that whole thing because, yeah, it must hurt like a sonofabitch...but does spaying or neutering hurt any less? And also, my cats are very well cared for, they live a free life and rule my world. Their happiness is as important to me as my own is. I waited as long as I could to declaw them. But damn, Smitten tore through every screen in my house, repeatedly and Bear tore through all the flesh in my house costing me hundreds in vet bills when the other cats had to go in from their wounds and I have several scars from his claws too. I have one cat that is not declawed. It's a trade-off I guess. We all have to live together so we have to make some sacrifices so we can live as peacefully as we can.) Anyway, it's not just for the hurt factor that it is illegal. It is illegal because people often get cats/kittens, get them declawed and then abandon them. Leaving them without defense. I am very excited to volunteer my time to this organization. I hope that they set me up with a cat colony to keep fed and monitered. But if the only thing they can find for me to do is shovel dog shit out of be it.

And the writers workshop.....SIGH. I REALLY hope I can do it. I NEED to do it. I've never spent a week focused on any one thing. And also, I am terrified of losing my dreams. I must persevere. It doesn't matter to me whether or not I ever ACCOMPLISH my dreams, as long as I am always working towards them. And, it would be really awesome for my own state of being to do something like this independently. Eric said last night when I told him about it, "Cool, I can go with you and we can have a vacation." And I basically shouted, "NO!" Which made me feel bad. But 1. I can't do a writers workshop AND have a vacation at the same time. I have to spend the week WRITING and learning about writing. There won't be time for vacation or for other people. And 2. As much as I want to do this for the writing part of it. I also want to do it because I need to reclaim some semblence of independence. Going to Italy alone for a week would help with that. I am not opposed (and in fact would like it) to Eric meeting me in Milan after the week is over and THEN having a vacation...but for god's sake...we can't have a vacation during the workshop.

So that is all. I didn't sleep well last night. I kept thinking I heard things again. Fucking robbers. When does this go away?



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