2006-05-07 - 11:27 p.m.
Eric has suddenly started talking about getting a puppy. He says..."if we had a dog we wouldn't have gotten broken into, and besides, I've always secretly wanted a puppy."
I said no.
I love dogs. I've had many dogs in my life. But I just don't have the energy for one right now. Actually, I will probably never have the energy for one. And also, I decided last year that I can never have another pet. It's too heartbreaking for me. I get too consumed.
It does not help my emphatic NO DOG when Eric keeps pulling up pictures of Saint Bernard puppies.
This break in thing has really been getting to me. I realize there is a process in getting over something like this...getting back to normal. But man, it's hard. It's hard to walk downstairs, it's hard to sleep (and in fact I haven't been. I've been staying awake until the sun comes up and jumping at the smallest noises). I have a lot of anger at these people. It's not the things they stole...but the fact that they were in my house. And the fact that the house is rather tainted now to me...I don't feel at all safe...is an awful blow. As we all know...the house was the only thing that kept me going in this life in Spain. Anyway...I've been in a funk. I feel very de-energized. I don't even want to eat anything. Humans are weird.
I am going to try to go to bed now. It is four hours before my normal bedtime...but I figure that maybe if I sleep from now until 3 am (which I consider the start of dangerous break in time) I will be better off tomorrow. Last night I went to bed at 6:30 in the morning. That's not good. I will wake up (or maybe not, not waking up would be good but I don't think my nerves will let me not) at 3 ish and be awake until 6 ish...and whatever whatever whatever...
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