2006-04-10 - 11:40 a.m.

My husband told me this morning that the other day, when I was in bed for 24 hours with a fever, I woke up yelling the name Jason. This confounds me. I don’t really know any Jason’s. I mean, not in any capacity to yell his name out in a fevered dream. I did receive an e-mail from an old friend, Jason, last week…but, I can’t see any reason why I would dream about that Jason in any way that would cause me to yell out for him. Not sexually, fearfully, warningly or anything. It really bothers me, who was I yelling for?

Last week my husband told me I woke up in the middle of the night yelling in panic for my cat. That makes sense.

Yelling for a Jason does not.

Early this morning I jumped out of bed in a panic thinking I had to wake my brother up. I was halfway down the hallway before I realized 1. my brother isn’t here and 2. I was not in our old house on Orchard Street. Which was where I was in the dream that made me think I had to wake my brother up.


My brother HAD been here. For six days he and his girlfriend were here. It was very nice and I wish that they were always here. While they were visiting we wandered around Barcelona for an afternoon (they went back for another day by themselves while stayed home and attempted to work on my homework for my writing class), I also took them to as many of the grocery stores I frequent as I could. My brother commented that I buy a lot of groceries…and yeah, I do. But it might seem like I buy more than I really do because I have to go to like six different stores to get everything I need for one week of eating. And also, because I do make at least two meals a day at home. That is more than average people. Right. So. They seemed to like to grocery stores. Grocery stores are my favorite places to go. They tell so much about an area. On the Friday that my brother was here we got in the car and drove eleven hours to France. We went over that monster bridge in Millau and it was funny this time because I was talking about how amazing and startling it is from a distance and how you can see it for miles and miles before you get to it and then all of a sudden we were on it and I was like, “what the fuck?” and I realized that before when I was on it we had come from the other direction. Anyway, it was still really awe inspiring, even though we didn’t get that miles and miles of awe inspiring beforehand. I was also pleased to find that my brother found European gas station coffee to be the worst cup of coffee in the world. And also, that the fact that it is the worst did not stop him from buying it frequently.

So we arrived the Paris area…drove by the chateau in Versailles, and then on to Saint Germaine-en-Laye where we stayed the night. St. Germaine is where Eric lived for five years and where I spent months of my life as well. I was thrilled that my brother was able to see just a tiny portion of it. I would have liked to have shown them more…but we had to get into the city. We spent all day Saturday in Paris. It rained sometimes, which was perfect. I saw a rainbow by Notre Dame. We ate at my vegetarian restaurant which pleased me. But it wasn’t as great as it had been in the past. This might be because I was too drunk to taste anything. Then Eric decided to take us to “his bar” where he spent many a night when he lived there…we drank too much there, I danced with a strange man who had pulled me out of my seat to dance with me. My brother danced, Andrea danced. Eric kept buying more drinks. We were friends with a couple from Japan. Then we stood for a long time in a taxi line. Eric was talking to some guy, in French, my brother and Andrea were talking to some couple standing next to us, in English and I was just kind of standing there writing letters in my head. I was really mad at a French guy who earlier in the night had been very anti-American. I have never encountered that in France. And it pissed me off.

So Sunday we drove back here. Rough day. Monday was the day I stayed home; we ate a huge dinner that night in Sitges. I had pizza with aioli on it and I’ve been craving it ever since. Tuesday we slept in…then we went to Sitges to wander around the beach area and town a little. We had ice cream on the beach. I love ice cream. Then we picked Eric up at work, went to the grocery store so Z and A could buy some gifts (and I had to get tofu and bread) and on to the airport where I had a really nasty beer. Then they left. I was terribly sad.

Wednesday I woke up in a horrible, horrible mood and moped around all day. I don’t even remember what I did. All I know is that I moped.

Thursday was much the same. Eric and I went to Sitges in the evening to make an appointment for my cat who has a strange lump in his belly. We had a beer at the English pub. I got very hungry at this point and was craving garlic like crazy. This did not make sense to me until Saturday.

Friday I took Diamond to the vet. His lump is not a tumor. It is probably something stuck in his skin that got infected. Which would make sense because last week he came home after getting in a fight, with a claw hanging off him. After the vet stuck a needle into said lump and examined it he prescribed antibiotics. I had been teary eyed all morning. This also did not make sense until Saturday. After I left the vet my parking ticket would not go through the machine. I was in a panic and would have smashed through the gate had one of the gate keepers not come out to help me. The ticket never went through and he manually lifted the gate for me. I started to cry. Then I was stopped for a red light with part of the car in the pedestrian walk area. I would have backed up but there was a car behind me and if I had pulled forward any I wouldn’t have been able to see when the light changed. Some man pounded on my hood and told me to get off the walk area and I pointed at the light and he pounded on the hood again and I got pissed and yelled out the window at him, in English/Spanish, “I have to see la LUZ, ASSHOLE, la LUZ!” I called him an asshole. This did not make sense until Saturday. I never call people assholes out loud. I cried all the way home.

And then for the rest of the afternoon. I made a big, garlicky dinner. Went to sleep. Woke up Saturday and went downstairs to make coffee. While the coffee brews I will do other things to bide my time. So I was on my way outside to water my plants but I could only make it about ten steps to the couch where I collapsed. Eric came down about an hour later to find me and I told him that my legs hurt. I stayed on the couch for a while longer. Then I made it upstairs to bed. Eric found me there a little while later. I told him my legs hurt. He stuck a thermometer in my mouth. I had a fever. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a fever, I had forgotten that before I get sick I 1. get really emotional. 2. swear at people and 3. eat like a horse. Also, I had forgotten that when I get sick my legs hurt. It’s strange phenomenon. The legs hurting bit. You will never understand how badly they hurt. My fever made it to 102 degrees. I slept all day. Eric went to the store and got me ice cream, potato chips and 7-up as requested. He also bought a bunch of little cakes and brought me a tray of sweets in bed. Then we watched movies in bed while I boiled and boiled. Then we went to sleep. I woke up on Sunday feeling perfect. Spent all day yesterday reading cookbooks, washing sheets, making pizza and a “Nearly Caesar” salad (a lower fat, vegetarian version) with homemade croutons and homemade dressing. It wasn’t as WOW! as it should have been with all the preparation. I will not make it again. I worked on my homework a little and then went to bed.

Which leads me back to the beginning of this entry.

Now it is 11:33 in the morning and I am going to shower and get dressed and go to the gym and make lunch and clean the house and think about delicious things to make for Easter brunch (we are having guests for the weekend). I wish the sun would come out so I could go to the beach for ice cream.

That is all. Oh yeah, people around here were carrying HUGE palm leaves around for Palm Sunday. I wish I could have taken pictures of it. I mean, like eight foot long palm leaves. One lady was dragging hers down the road it was too big.


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