2006-01-18 - 9:36 p.m.

My big confession of the day? I have two. First, I like the show Changing Spouses. I think it is fantastic. Because I laugh my ass off. Second, I have no desire whatsoever to learn Spanish. I’ve been resisting my urge to continue my learning of the French language because I felt guilty spending time on that when I should be learning Spanish. I am pretty sure I am done feeling guilty about it now and I plan to get out the box of French learning tapes and books that Eric has from when he learned French. I couldn’t give you a reason for my not giving a shit about learning Spanish. I do feel bad about it…I should be learning it since I live here and it’s not very nice for me not to learn it…and I think Spanish people are incredibly funny and animated and have great senses of humor…but even that doesn’t entice me. I didn’t care about learning Spanish all those years in high school when I sat through four years of Spanish classes and I still don’t care. And I think I suck because of that but I just can’t help it.

I am pretty sick about my feelings of guilt. That is what, most of all, is completely ruining any experience I might be having here. I feel guilty all day long because I am not doing this or that or this or that. I need to just go with the flow. Do what I really feel like doing. I have a great opportunity right now to do what I want to do and I should be doing it. I don’t need to walk away from here as a person fluent in Spanish with all sorts of Spanish friends and Spanish accomplishments. I just need to relax.

RELAX. No more guilt.

Boy comes home in 46 hours. I want Boy to be home.

I have to go back to the gym tomorrow because today I got all woozy while I was there and left without doing five exercises of my normal routine. I like being at the gym and I like how I feel when I get home from the gym….but getting to the gym is a huge problem for me. This morning when I woke up I went directly to the shower (well almost directly, first I turned the coffee maker on and fed the cats) and that worked really well…to get up and immediately begin getting ready for my day. I will do that again tomorrow. It’s too hard to get ready for a day when you start getting ready for it at 3 in the afternoon.

I have to go watch more TV now. Wednesday night rocks here in terms of TV shows. I have all sorts of things to watch…Enterprise, Galactica, Sex and the City, Changing Spouses…it’s great. I love TV.

Remember when I went for three years without watching one minute of TV?

Wow. What was I doing?


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