2006-01-17 - 2:12 a.m.

I'm bored and I have a ton of things I could be doing. But I am still bored. And I am not tired. I do not want to go to bed.

I want my boy to come home now. I want to smell his neck. I washed his robe the other day and I knew the minute I turned the washing machine on that I shouldn't. Because there is, or was, residual neck smell on that robe. I will have to bring the robe with me to Michigan when I go.

I wish that I didn't live a fifteen hour travel day from Michigan. I think a five hour travel day back to Michigan would be nice. However...then I wouldn't be flying on the Airbus A330 and I would be able to watch movies and drink wine the whole time. As much as I hate flying I really enjoy that aspect of it. Maybe I will see the Northern Lights from the sky again too. That was awesome and scary and very very humbling.

Anyway. I walked by the sea in the rain today and it was lovely. Most lovely. I think it is my favorite time to walk, when it is raining. I used to love to walk when it was snowing those big, perfect snowflakes snow where you felt every flake hit your face and melt. But...since we don't get that here, I will like the rain. A calm rain. It was nice. And it smelled like sea.

My father called me last night. And he said, "I've been a bad father, I know it and I really don't feel good about it." I don't know what he was referring to...the fact that he hadn't called me since I arrived here and has been listening to my every other week messages on his machine without even e-mailing me...or if he just meant in general. I didn't ask and as usual I laughed him off and pretended like he didn't say anything that could lead me into a serious discussion with him. I am very disappointed with my father. Because I really don't even have much reason to call him father anymore. And that pisses me off.

Hmmmmmm.....what else? I don't have any books to read right now. That is a problem. When I go back to Michigan I am going to spend days in the bookstore looking at books. I will not buy them (because it would be a pain in the ass to get them back here) but I am going to make a huge, pages long list of books I will buy from Amazon. As long as I can look at them I think I will not miss going to the bookstore as much as I do now. We still haven't found an English bookstore worth a damn in Barcelona. I should open one.

I am going to do laundry now.

And make tea.


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