2006-01-13 - 12:46 p.m.

Dear Diary,

It takes me three hours to dry a load of wash in our dryer. This annoys the fuck out of me and due to certain circumstances and the fact that Eric's company is quite shitty, we can't get a new one. And the dumbasses that set this house up put the intricate, permanent clothes line up in a spot in the yard that doesn't get any sunlight and is blocked completely from the wind by trees. It is right in front of the laundry room, but clothes hardly dry there in the summer and just remain sopping wet when hung out in the winter. I've taken to drying things like towels over the radiators. I am destined to never have a working dryer. Remember, back in my old life how my dryer kept breaking and by the end of my time there I was drying things in the OVEN?? Anyway, I just want the dryer we have now to last until we leave here. Even if it takes three hours to dry things. Because I don't want to go to a laundry mat here. I DO NOT AT ALL WANT TO DO THAT! Especially since nothing in this country has a parking lot. Taking laundry to the laundry mat would require hauling dirty laundry through town. I miss parking lots. I really hate to be that way, but I do. I like parking lots. Parking lots are good.

Yesterday I wrote to the admissions officer at a correspondence school asking about applying for a degree in holistic nutrition. I really think I might do it. I am absolutely terrified of being moved back to the U.S. right now and not being qualified for anything but waiting tables. I don't want to be a waitress again. I think I would rather go back to doing massage therapy than to be a waitress again. I cannot even think about, not for a moment, being a full time waitress again. Unless I own the restaurant. I'm getting this idea in my head hasn't all come together yet...but it's an idea about what I could do with my life when and if we get sent back to the U.S. soon. But I need to do this nutrition thing first.

I hugged the palm tree last night. I was just sitting there looking at it in the moonlight and the palm tree always makes me smile. I love the palm tree and always have since the first time I saw it. It was a picture of that palm tree that I hung up at work for all those months between the time we decided on this house and when I actually moved here. The thing about it was that having something tangible to look at kept me going. I could SEE myself living here, could SEE myself sitting under the palm tree...and that kept me going through all those little bumps in the road that I encountered trying to pull this move off. I just kept picturing the palm tree. I realized, last night, that the reason I am so terrified right now about tomorrow is that I have absolutely no idea, no palm tree, what could possibly be in store for us. And so that makes it hard to believe that there is even going to be a tomorrow. Does that make any sense? Like most humans I need something, even if it's just an idea, in front of me in order to function. And right now I have no idea. I need a future palm tree and I just hope that it comes sooner than later.

Anyway, I gave the palm tree a big moonlight hug last night. She's very pretty, my palm tree.

Also, my cat Bubba gets up in the middle of the night and starts meowing like crazy. It's very fucking annoying. The other day I woke up in the morning and by the door to the bedroom was a big pile of shit that I had thrown at him trying to get him to shut up. The pile included two pillows, a few books, and a bunch of socks I had pulled out from the drawer next to my was funny. I had to move it all out of the way to get out of the room. Last night the stupid cat was doing his stupid meow crap and then he shut up and I felt him jump up on the bed and then he walked on my chest and just stood there so I opened my eyes and he said, "me-OWWWWW!!" in my face. He's such a fucker.

That's it. I am going to the beach now.


Get your own
 diary at! contact me older entries

previous - next

Get your own
 diary at! contact me older entries

about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at!