2005-12-13 - 12:19 p.m.

My cat has not taken a crap in three days. The vet seems to think this is okay.

My cat had what could only be a seizure both on Sunday night and last night. The vet seems to think this too is okay. (well, not okay, but not something that we should really do anything about at this point.)

I am trying to be okay with this stuff too but I am rapidly falling into a pit of panic about it. He is getting better, other than those two things, and so maybe the vet is right. He even played last night! That is a good sign. And he is eating on his own and asking for it which is a good sign too.

The lack of poop is probably because for a week he didn't eat anything but what was fed to him through his veins and also because he is pumped full of antibiotics right now. That could fuck anyone up. I just want him to poop. POOP!!!

The seizure thing has happened before. A long time ago and at that time I just thought it had to do with the fact that when it happened he had been laying in my arms with his head hanging back (like he does) and that he had had a head rush. But the other night he was just sitting on the back of the couch while I was reading and he just seized up. Again last night. It lasts for less than a minute and then he is fine. It's fucking weird and I doubt that I will ever be okay with it happening. It freaks me right the fuck out.


He, and the other cats, and me, have been sneezing a lot lately. So today I am tearing this fucking house up and de-dusting it. This is an old, crumbly house. There are literally piles of dust in corners that fall off the walls over night. I don't know how this happens. It's as though the walls are disintegrating.

I have a lot to say lately and I miss my job because of it. I realize now the importance of my job...I was able to rant about things that you don't really want anyone to take too seriously but you just need to talk them through. Does that make sense? Things that aren't REALLY a problem in a huge way...and things that are only in my mind and I know it...but that just fester away when you don't talk about them...they start growing into bigger things. It's weird. And of course, you need girls for this kind of talking. Not boys and especially not husbands. I am really missing those days when we would go to the restaurant across the street after work and we would all just rant and tell secrets for hours. It's healthy for girls to do that.


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