2005-11-07 - 12:46 p.m.

Sometimes when I wake up in the morning my feet hurt really really badly and it's hard for me to walk on them. Isn't that weird?

Last night I had a terrible dream that I was at the beach with all my friends and it wasmy going away party except everyone was already acting like I was gone and they weren't including me in anything, including pictures. Then I fell asleep on the beach and when I woke up everyone was gone except for this black car and there were terrible, terrible screams coming from inside the car, it sounded like a child screaming bloody murder and I started running towards the car and then the car started and I turned around and ran the other way...away from the screaming child car...away! I can't believe I ran away and I feel so guilty this morning because of it. Fucking dreams...this one made me feel hated AND guilty.

I hardly worked on my NaNo novel this weekend. Just a little over 1,000 words. Spent time with Eric instead. We had an excellent weekend...we didn't do anything exciting really, but for some reason it finally felt "right" being here. We were talking about the days back in Michigan when we would rent movies and have dinner in front of the TV...those nights were SO fantastic, the kind of times that you long for when you are stressed out or uncomfortable or whatever. I could get through a lot just by thinking to myself, "okay, next week I can be in front of the TV watching movies and stuffing my face wtih delicious food." There was just something so comfortable about it. Anyway, last week we were talking about those times and I said, "why can't we pull that off here?" Because here we get movies, ALL THE TIME, and have dinner in front of the TV, ALL THE TIME, and it just doesn't feel the same. And I think, even though it's been six months, neither of us felt perfectly comfortable here yet. It wasn't even close to being "home". The cats adjusted much faster than I did. ANYWAY...I didn't write much because this weekend suddenly felt right and I enjoyed that feeling. Now today I have to write 5,000 words to keep myself within my quota. That sucks. 5,000 words is a lot especially since I have to read "On the Road" today for my reading fiction class. I've been trying to read this book for the last five weeks and I HATE it and I want to KILL it. And I've NOT read it in the last five weeks, only 64 pages, and tomorrow we start work on it and so I have to read the rest of it today. AND write 5,000 words. AND do my homework for poetry class (which is writing a ghazal and I don't fucking GET what ghazals are so I've also been procrastinating with my homework...until the last second, as is my way).

But here I am, avoiding all tasks by writing in my diary. I'm so cute.

OH! We are definitely going to Vienna for my birthday. Well, we are going the day AFTER my birthday. We got the tickets to the Nutcracker AND we are sitting in the THIRD row. (I wanted a box seat but the good ones were sold out really fast.) We also got tickets for Verdi's La Traviata. The only bad part about this trip to Vienna is the fact that I have to fly. I am totally already disturbed like hell about this and assume that is the reason why my anxiety laden nightmares are coming back.

I have to go now.


Get your own
 diary at! contact me older entries

previous - next

Get your own
 diary at! contact me older entries

about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at!