2005-10-28 - 1:38 p.m.

Men need not read this…men don’t want to read this…though it might be beneficial if you have a significant other who is a woman.

So…my only bit of advice to anyone traveling or moving to a foreign country where they can barely order a beer in the native tongue. BRING YEAST INFECTION TREATMENTS!! EVEN IF YOU HAVE NEVER HAD A YEAST INFECTION.

I have a yeast infection. It is only the second one I have had in my adult life. (when I was a kid I was really allergic to soaps and if I remember correctly I had a yeast problem back then…but since then I have been very careful about my soap and bubble bath and shit like that) It is the most awful miserable thing. I have no idea why I have it. It could be because for the last week I have been forgetting to eat and my blood sugar has been getting all wanky and throwing my body off. It could be because I took a bunch of tighty whiteys that Eric got for Christmas before I even knew him and that he never wore, and I made them MY underwear because they are the most comfortable things in the world…but I didn’t wash them first and they have been sitting in a dusty drawer for more than five years. It could be because the other day I spilled shampoo in my bathtub and didn’t clean it up and later when I poured my bath I came back and it was all bubbly and I thought…”ah hell…well, I have only ever had one yeast infection (yes I seriously had this thought in my head and WHY OH WHY DIDN’T I LISTEN?????)I can take one measly bath with shampoo bubbles.” It could be because I’ve been drinking English Breakfast tea with spoonfuls of sugar in it, which is something I don’t normally do on any regular basis. It could be that I am stressed out and freaked out and beside myself with every emotion known and then some. Or it could be all of these things…all I know is that right now, at this very moment, I have a yogurt/tea tree oil mixture smeared all over my nether parts and it is disgusting, way more disgusting than any over the counter yeast infection treatment disgusting…but it helps.

I am so miserable right now. I was so miserable yesterday and I feel so bad because the first time Eric called me yesterday I think I might have been a super, irrational bitch to him…but he was telling me things that I couldn’t and didn’t want to deal with right then…not when I had festering yeast infection thing going on. Later, last night, I told him I had a yeast infection and I think he understands my super, irrational bitch crap now. I said, “ I have a yeast infection,” and he said, “Are you sure?” And I felt like laughing because it’s so obvious, the people that have never had a yeast infection….are you sure? I’m sure. I told Eric to buy me some treatment, and he will and he will bring it to me on Monday…but I am pretty certain I cannot, yogurt or not, sit here and fester until then. What I am going to have to do is something no one should have to do when they have a yeast infection. WHY CAN’T THEY JUST FUCKING SELL THIS SHIT AT THE STORE HERE??? WHY DO I HAVE TO GO TO A PHARMACY??? WHY???? I am going to have to go to the pharmacy and tell some pharmacist, in Spanish unless I get lucky and he/she speaks English, that I have a yeast infection. Which means I also have to figure out how to say yeast infection in Spanish. Which just feels icky. And we all know how stressed I get about having to go out and speak Spanish and it’s just not something I feel like I can cope with right now while I am dealing with festering, yogurt covered crotch. But I will most likely HAVE to cope with this…I am certain I am not going to last until Monday. I am waiting for an e-mail from my nurse/midwife friend telling me some terrible result of letting a yeast infection fester for days…something terrible will force me to go to the pharmacy. OH GOD I HATE THIS!! I REALLY, REALLY HATE THIS!! OH GOD!!

Please, please, please…you will thank me someday, you will thank me profusely…ALWAYS carry a yeast infection treatment with you. I just talked to Eric and he told me that last night he went to Meijer to get me Monistat and he put the boxes of it in his basket (of course, excess) and continued beer and chips for watching some sport on TV with his dad and then went to the checkout lane...all the time he is smelling yeast and thinking he is just imagining it and he gets to the checkout lane and realizes that one of the beer cans is punctured and it is Boddington's which is just about the most yeasty smelling thing I can think here is Eric, reeking of yeast with a basketfull of yeast infection treatments...poor guy. I'm sure he's regretting having a wife by now.

Also, my nurse/midwife friend wrote me back and told me to go to the pharmacy even though I am not going to die from letting this fester for three more days it will probably only get worse...(though this yogurt thing has already relieved about 20% of my misery)...and then she told me that when she was in Australia for six months she had the same experience but she was on a BUS in some uninhabited region where there weren't any pharmacies or doctors even and she had to sit on a boiling hot bus, without even the luxury of a shower, or yogurt, for three days before they reached civilization again. SEE??? I told you!!! ALWAYS BRING YEAST INFECTION TREATMENTS WHEN YOU TRAVEL!!! Poor girl. Poor boy, poor girl, poor me.

Oh, and I got the book that was supposed to have been here weeks ago. This mail system here is SO fucked up. I met a new neighbor last night, a neighbor whose mail I always get, and she told me that the mail here is the worst, ever. She says we are lucky to get half of the mail we are supposed to get. There is something seriously wrong with that.

Later later...Well, I did it. I went to the pharmacy and got my stuff. I am very cool. Why, though, do humans have to BLUSH about shit like this??? Why??? It's terribly. I was blushing a mile a minute as I was trying to explain to the pharmacist what it was I needed. But I got it...and get was only a few dollars. Anyway, the pharmacist did not speak any English and I managed to tell her exactly what I needed and I am very proud of myself now. The pharmacy is still scary though and I hope I never have to go back. I went and rented movies afterwards even though I was supposed to be on a movie rental punishment (because I don't have time to be sitting idle watching movies, I have books to write and classes to participate in and houses to clean and cats to entertain and Thanksgiving meals to plan and places to explore and a language to learn. But, I let myself off the hook tonight because first off all...I am still too miserable to do much of anything (the walk to the pharmacy almost killed me and all I wanted to do was drop down in the middle of the boardwalk and scratch myself silly)AND, I feel like I accomplished something huge today by going to the pharmacy by myself.

Also...I was walking behind this woman today and she had on really high heels and she wasn't quite comfortable in them and was a little wobbly but she still has a trace of that model on the runway walk and I was watching her walk because it was fascinating and I found myself suddenly imitating her walk not to be funny or mean but because I wanted to understand it. I think she must have been a runway model at some point because that walk is hard to get down...and also, she must have just gotten those shoes because as she progressed down the boardwalk her walk became less of the not quite and more of the quite.


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