2005-10-19 - 7:05 p.m.

Dear Diary.

I don't know why...after all these years, I get so confused about my mood and my appearance and my anger and my crying and my agitation...when I know FULL WELL that it is PMS. Never fails...every month right around this time I get confused, wondering why I am kicking the fuck out of an empty garbage can or crying my eyes out because the water was too hot in the sink. I am an idiot. Right now I have the PMS haggys (my Aunt Jeezus said once that she gets haggy when she has PMS and that is it EXACTLY, I do too, HAGGY)...I feel fat, gross, pale, ugly, sick, tired, my eyes are all grainy, my head hurts...ICK.

I've written six or seven entries today and deleted every single one of them. That goes along with the PMS haggy's, for me at least. Indecision. I hate it.

I would like some medication. For real. Big, lovely pills of something that can help me feel human again. I swear all this non human feeling is building up on me and it gets harder and harder to crawl out from under it.

One of these days PMS is just going to be the last straw.


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