2005-06-30 - 2:46 p.m.

So I just put my foot in a shoe and felt this like squish, slop feeling, as though I had stepped on a plate of kind of melted jello that had some sort of a pliant skin on I looked down to see what the hell was in my shoe and it turns out that the bottom of my foot is bleeding, a lot, for no apparent reason and that squish slop feeling was from the congealed blood building up on the bottom of my foot while I had been sitting here reading the news. And now that I look out in the hallway I see that there are little bloody heel prints leading to this room. And that is just lovely and how can it be that my foot is bleeding this badly and I didn't notcie it when whatever happened, happened? Is my fog that great?


It is beautiful here today. I realize that a lot of my strain lately has been caused from the uncomfortable burden of living in the heat. I don't like heat. I never have, never will. So today it is pretty...almost perfect temperature and there is a strong wind which makes things feel not at all stagnant. I like wind.

Today was the last day of language classes for about a week. After the next week of class I think I am taking a few weeks new John Irving novel will be arriving sometime in the third week of July and I plan to make quite an ordeal out of it. I am going to eat my favorite foods and drink my favorite drinks while reading it. I will have a perfect couple days...I am doing nothing but reading that book and enjoying every single aspect of life. Which means that I am not going to subject myself to things like language classes while I am reading that book.

Tonight we are going to meet someone Eric works with and he is going to help us get memberships at the gym and help us with some other things we have no idea where and how to rent movies and get bus schedules and so on and so forth.

Tomorrow Eric is flying to the U.K. to help a friend of his move. So I will be alone this weekend and again, I think that is good. It's so weird because I adore Eric and living with him has been easy, fine...I can't say there is anything really different about living with him than when I lived alone...and yet, I need to live alone for a couple days, even though nothing will be different...I don't know how that makes sense. I guess maybe there us a part of me that likes to be the only person in a that I don't have to be aware of any presence but my own. Or something like that. And when I am alone I feel as though I am forced to go out and do things on my drive to the beach for a walk or take the garbage out or even go to the grocery store alone (though I don't think I will be doing THAT for the first time alone on a weekend...the stores are INSANE on weekends) will be a nice couple days, I will miss him, but I need to get my mind in order again.


So I just went outside to check the laundry...and lately I have been in the habit of walking around topless all day because it is just too hot for shirts...and our house is completely walled in and no one can see into our yard or house except for one, tiny little area in the yard where we keep the recycle stuff and going topless all day is cool...and usually I will just wander to the laundry room (which isn't attached to the house)with no top but today I threw a t-shirt on and...yeah...just as I got outside the pool guys arrived. They have a key to our gate so they can get in the yard. BUT..they are supposed to be here before one. They don't give us a day, but one day a week they are supposed to be here before one. And for the last three weeks they have been showing up at odd times. Like two on a Monday, four the next week but on Thursday, so I am beginning to always be paranoid that the pool guys are going to come in here and honestly that really fucking bugs me and I feel like I have no freedom. One of these days they are going to catch me topless and I am going to be really pissed. And the worst part about this is that I can't call the company and reitterate the request that the pool people do not show up after one. Sigh.

Now I don't know what I feel like doing. I was so glad it wasn't so hot today and I could enjoy coffee that I made a second pot and now I have caffeine jitters. So maybe I will mow the lawn.

Or something.



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