2005-06-01 - 11:43 p.m.

Today I did five things that will help me adjust.

One. I took the car out, alone, and drove, alone, to Sitges to walk on the beach.

Two. I walked for an hour AROUND Sitges, exploring, and managed to find my way back to the beach and the route I know. I did this alone. Granted, I did this during siesta time so nothing was open, hence, there were no people, but that was my plan...get acclimated when there is no one around.

Three. I finally put our TV room together so it is usable for things like...well, sitting down and watching TV and also, more importantly, doing my yoga tapes.

Four. Took the garbage out. By myself. This isn't something I will always do...I will be doing the majority of things around this house, that is part of the deal here, I don't work, Boy works stupid amounts of hours...I clean house and cook meals and do the shopping...he takes the fucking garbage and recycling out. YES HE WILL. But I thought it would be good practice for me today because to take the garbage out you have to walk through our village and that is something I didn't want to do alone yet because there is the chance some old Catalonian person will start talking to you and while that is cool and does take a lot of energy and something like courage. So...I took the stupid garbage out and only one bent old Catalonian man spoke to me. I think he saw me walk by because he was waiting for me when I walked by again and he said, "Hola," and then a whole bunch of other stuff in what probably wasn't Spanish and then just started waving with a big toothless smile. Old people are all alike. Old people and kids. The same every where you go.

And five...I MADE OUR BED BIGGER!!!! I AM SO EXCITED. I am a SPRAWLER and I have been SUFFERING so SUFFERING. I mean, my KING SIZE bed was barely big enough for me, for some reason I sleep diagonal across beds and I SPRAWL, big huge Eric's tiny little French bed was no where near big enough for me, my cats and Eric. At all. I think my four day headache may have been caused by the small bed thing. I've been cramped and uncomfortable and hot. And ICK. And so today I moved things around and added a bed to Eric's tiny bed and my old sheets from the King size bed fit! And YAY! I can't WAIT to SPRAWL!

So. That's it. Five things proactive. Tomorrow I will do five more proactive things and by the time Eric comes back on Saturday I should have my head on straight again and won't be feeling so useless, helpless, stupid, lost.

Well, that's the goal at least.

Tonight that Boy of mine ate at my favorite restaurant in the whole world and I am terribly jealous. I have a Paris pit in my belly right now. I miss it there almost to the point where my mouth waters at the thought of being there.

Someday right now, this moment, this day, this week will be a time that I miss. I will be in Russia or somewhere feeling terribly helpless, useless, lost and I will think back to this time, in Spain, looking out the window at the quiet, darkened hills that seperate me from the sea and I will have a Spain pit in my belly.

Off to bed, to SPRAWL, now.


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