2005-04-26 - 2:13 p.m.

So...the damn hurdle.

Remember the hurdle?

I stole it from my high school before I was even in high school I think. Maybe not...but I stole it a damn long time ago and it has been with me ever since. And it is kind of symbolic you know? A hurdle.

So I've been in a tizzy trying to decide what to do with it. One part of me wants to give it to my mother to babysit until I get back. Because one part of me feels as though I am not quite over that hurdle yet. And another part of me wants to drive it out to good old Delton Kellogg High School and leave it sitting in the middle of the track. Replace my hurdle. Rectify the crime. Start from the beginning. And then there is the part of me that just wants to leave it here, in the basement. Leave my hurdle here in Vicksburg where I had the most hurdles to get over. Leave my hurdle in Vicksburg. That is sounding more like the right plan.

But then again, that is leaving my hurdle for someone else to deal with. And that's not really fair either.

So today is my last official day in this house...individually, alone, with whatever remnents of home I have left in here. Tomorrow we go to Chicago, we return Thursday evening and will most likely go to dinner with my mother and then early Friday morning they come to get my stuff. Friday, after the movers, we are going to Muskegon for the night, Saturday we return here to clean the house up and do last minute stuff...and WE ARE STAYING HERE SATURDAY NIGHT WITH THE CATS EVEN THOUGH THERE WON'T BE ANY FURNITURE! (I am writing this in caps because I refuse to leave my cats alone on their last night before their whole lives turn upside down)Sunday we leave early for Earlville where the cats will be deposited for their three days of boarding. And then we stay in a hotel Sunday night and then...and then I get on that plane and depart for my new life...hopefully without hurdles.

I am getting really, really excited. I was thinking that next week at this time I will be sitting outside by my pool drinking a celebratory glass of wine (I would do champagne but I hate champagne)...and a week from Thursday my cats will arrive and a week from Friday we will all be a little less stressed out and things will be SO good.

Just think...a month from right now I will most likely have just come in from outside. I will be tan and I will have spent the whole day in my gardens. I will have soup simmering on the stove and kitties will be sunning themselves next to the palm tree. I will have walked along the sea and my skin will have that mist of salt on it. Boy will be arriving home from work at any moment and everything will be quiet and settled. I will have clothes on hangers in closets, I will not be living out of boxes. I will be able to put things on shelves and not think what a waste of time it is to do that because I WILL BE HOME. I will be comfortable and happy and rested and peaceful. A month from right now.

I am totally amazed by this. I am finding it really hard to believe that this is really, really, really happening.

And I still feel weird and a little lost.


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