2005-04-17 - 6:13 p.m.
Fourth stupid entry of the day.
Is this how it is going to go for the rest of my time here? Try to avoid actually doing something by getting on line and looking for shoes and writing diary land entries.
Speaking of shoes...I finally found the perfect pair of black wedge sandals WITH A STRAP AROUND THE ANKLE..(you see, this is my problem with the shoes that are now in style, they are wedges, sure, but there is no strap to keep the shoe ON YOUR FOOT and they make that terrible flip flop noise and then sometimes, when your foot is hot and sticky they stick to your foot and at the last moment unstick themselves and thud onto the ground with a really annoying sound.) Actually, speaking of annoying sounds...I am not a person that likes to buy clicky shoes, I don't like to hear myself walk, so I am always looking for non clicky shoes and these wedges usually are not clicky...but...since I found this pair on line I can't really tell if they are clicky and anyway, I can't buy them even if they are perfect because they were on an overstock website, they are Kenneth Cole, and they were cheap, $20...but they didn't have my size. Of course.
Anyway. I managed to get a little something done today. I cleaned out more drawers and cupboards and pretty much rid myself of almost everything that is not going to be used, or put in storage or given away. Except for the big items, like my dining room table, my stair climber and my dresser. (the latter being something I can't decide what to do with because it is a total piece of junk...BUT...I got it when I was like ten and I was really proud of it back then and I even sanded and stained it myself when we bought it. My brother and I both got a desk and a dresser from Naked Furniture (my Grandpa Larry who lived on Maui and came for visits every so often and then later died from alcohol but he was a really cute and suave man and I really liked him even though he was fucked up with that curse those men in that family seem to have...not my brother but the other men who are really fucked up...yeah, Grandpa Larry bought them for us)and I remember really well being in our driveway sanding those things and then staining them. If I remember correctly I picked a dark stain for mine and my brother picked a light stain for his. But it might be the other way around...in any case, I remember thinking then how different my brother and I were. Though now I don't think we are at all different. So...I don't know what to do with this dresser because like I said, it is junk, my dog Klhoe Belle chewed it up ten years ago and I have since painted it any color you can think of and it was cheap anyway and I should throw it away or burn it...but that breaks my heart.)
And I've been sadly throwing away clothes. I feel really bad about doing this because I hate adding to landfills with something that someone could use...but the clothes I am throwing away are all work stained with grease and coffee and nasty and I just can't bring myself to donate them. In any case...I now have one big Rubbermaid container of clothes left. Most of these are going to Spain, the remaining six work shirts are going in the garbage when I finish my shift on Sunday. I am actually going to bring them to work with me and throw them away in teh dumpster when I am leaving. Including the one that will be on my back...and then we are going drinking.
Which brings me to this...
The other day Jenn said, "you know what we should do on your last day? We should go to McGuiness after work and drink and smoke and talk about work and people like we used to do in the old days." (meaning the old days before everyone got old and had to curtail the smoking and drinking) And that sounded like a really, really good idea to me. A perfect closing to that chapter. But then I remembered that I don't smoke around Eric and NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER will (because that first time I smoke in front of him will be my downfall because then I will never have that one thing that keeps me from being an addict again.)...so the other day I told him that on my last day I was going drinking and smoking with the girls after work on my last day and that he would have to pick me up but that he couldn't go because I was going to smoke and then I realized that it was really, really rude of me to say that. And he sounded a little hurt too. But he has to understand, in some small way, that I can never, never, never smoke around him because he is the only thing that keeps me from being a total addict. And I would really like one of those days with the girls on my last day. So darnit...as rude as it might be...he is going to pick me up (because I am going to DRINK!) and he is not going to say one word about my smokey self.
I called to get my schedule today and Talking Girl was being all nice to me. She pisses me off. SHE SHOULD NOT BE NICE TO ME AFTER TELLING ME THAT SHE WILL BE GLAD WHEN I LEAVE. I HATE THAT.
Squish is snoring. I love it when Squish snores. Squish has been very stressed out lately. There is this big thing with him and my Bear cat...they just can't get along and lately Bear has been fucking with him and Squish is losing weight and being weird and it is stressing me out too. So I am trying to let Bear out all the time and let Squish have the house. And now he is snoring on the couch and that make me happy. I don't know what I am going to do when I get to Spain. The house is MUCH bigger there than this house and I hope they can find their own spots and stop being so competitive. I like it when Squish snores. He is my first cat, and he is my darling and I can't stand to see him in this stressed out, manic, paranoid state. Though I guess they say pets become their owners and Squish has always been totally my pet and my darling and so it would make sense that he is stressed out, manic and paranoid.
I HAVE TO GO GET SOMETHING DONE NOW. LEAVE ME ALONE.|
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