2005-04-11 - 9:38 a.m.

Interesting day yesterday....

Got in the car and started driving to Illinois. Which was awesome, I got a rental car and I could listen to music and sing really loud because I could leave the windows up because the air conditioner worked. So...I am driving and driving and the cat mover guy had said that he was about an hour and a half out of Chicago...and the map quest instructions said it should take me 3 hours and 54 minutes to get there. But I took a different route than mapquest gave me because the directions cat guy gave me were easier to follow. Anyway, after four hours I started to get a little freaked out. Because I had seen absolutely no sign of the highway I was supposed to take and I was getting really close to being in Iowa. So I started believing that perhaps I was only supposed to get on 80 for like just a second and the road I was supposed to take was right outside Chicago...not hours out of Chicago. So I stopped and looked at my map and could find neither the town I was destined for OR the highway I was supposed to take. AND, my cell phone hadn't had signal in 150 miles so I couldn't call anyone and these days a pay phone is REALLY hard to come by. So then I figured, okay, I will just drive through Illinois and if I don't happen to come across this highway and I get to Iowa I will just continue on and spend the night in Des Moines because that would take care of one of my problems anyway(which is visiting my "best friend" (and I have another entry ready to go about this issue). But then, low and behold, just as I was picking up the phone to seed if I had signal yet so I could call "best friend" I see the highway.

So...I made it to the cat guy. And he was cool and I am happy. And I got to see the boarding facilities that the cats will be in for three days and I am reassured by that because it was really nice and lots of room. And he told me that he freezes water in a bowl and takes it out just before they get on the plane so at least I know they will have water for at least a couple hours of the flight. And he also told me that once they arrive in Amsterdam they go to "the Kitty Hotel" and the people there will let them out to stretch their legs, refill their water and clean out their kennels if need be. So that also makes me feel much better. That means that they will only have about eight hours of time where they are sitting in a cage alone. And then the two hour flight to Barcelona.

So, I get the kennels and start driving back to Chicago...I again, did not use the mapquest directions because they were all confusing so cat guy told me which highway to take from Chicago area to get to Lakeshore Drive. I was running VERY late as it was. And part of me was like, "fuck it, I am just going home," because I was all grungy and icky and tired. And so I was thinking about just driving straight through and going home instead of meeting my brother at the museum...but then, before Joliet I decided that would be dumb because the whole trip was planned to go to the I start keeping an eye out for the highway and I am looking and looking and looking and looking and then all of a sudden I see WELCOME TO INDIANA! And that was just not right. So I came home. Watched movies. Missed Boy. Went to bed.

The thing about yesterday was that at one point in that stupid drive I got to feeling really really bad about myself. Because I thought I had totally fucked up the directions (which were really straight forward) and I was thinking that it was too bad that I couldn't be trusted to do anything on my own. I was thinking that I didn't know how I survived in this world and that it was really sad that I couldn't navigate this world on my own (one time driving to Iowa I ended up in the middle of Wisconsin before I realized that I was TOTALLY headed in the wrong direction). And once I realized that I was on the right road indeed, I also realized that I couldn't be proud of myself because for the last 100 miles I had been certain, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I was going the wrong way. I think I got mad at Eric once for being concerned about me finding my way somewhere...but I do understand. I DO wander around with my head in the clouds a lot. I don't pay any attention to anything ever. But I do manage to find my way, always, no matter how many circles I go around in.

Anyway...I watched Closer last night. And I was very disturbed by that movie. It was just kind of gross. I think that movie was gross. And I can never figure out whether I think Natalie Portman is pretty or not and that bothers me. For one thing, she is WAY too skinny. There was only one movie I really liked her in (and now I can't remember the name of it) but she was really young in that movie playing a Lolita type character. And she was REALLY good in that role. Perfect in fact.

I also watched Bridget Jones Diary 2 and that was good and I liked it but I am disturbed by the weight Renee gained for that movie. Because it just doesn't look right on her. She gets a fat chin and a fat belly but otherwise she looks perfectly normal. It just doesn't look natural. Which leads me to believe that she had to eat A LOT of food to get into that state because I think she must be a naturally skinny person. She just looked puffy and poisoned. But that guy, Darcy (I don't know his real name), has the KINDEST eyes of all movie people.

And that is all. Today I am going to lay in the sun, walk, go to the gym, make lists and relax. Because this could very well be the last day I have off in this house all by myself. The last Whisper day off. And I KNOW that for the next couple years I am going to have EVERY day off..but that is different. Because my Whisper days off here are recovering from working my ass off and doing whatever it is that makes me feel good and being all alone and quiet.




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