2005-03-13 - 6:10 a.m.

Oh Lord....people are coming to look at this house today and I don't want them to come. I am really bent out of shape about it. I hate showing my house. This is yet another reason that I just want to refinance this sucker and get out of here. Because then...not only will I have time to get things done here, but then, when things are done I can list it with a realtor and HE can show people through here and I will never have to see them. And the house would be in better shape and I could ask more, more, more.

People act as though they are getting ripped off...even if they haven't seen this house. And that irritates me. I told someone last night that I was asking 65 for this house (and this is below the assessed value of the house by about 10 grand)but that I was listening to ALL offers and to just make me one based on what he thinks is fair. He says, "35." I say, "Have you even driven by the house?" "No." Ugh. He is one of the people coming to look today and I don't even want him to set foot in here.

I really don't want anyone to step foot in here. It is so invasive. This selling thing is just so invasive. But it has to be done because selling it would be the easiest thing to do...and it would also save us five hundred dollars a month at least and not be a potential headache for me while I am 5,000 miles away. So sell. SELL DAMN YOU. The funniest thing about this whole thing is that the house does not have carpet right now. Or any flooring for that matter. And if I put carpet in here, right now, this house would sell for 70. I know it. People just can't see things like that. I find that hilarious.

So I don't want to show this house today. I know no one is going ot buy it. So what's the point?


I hate this.

Just keep remembering that in six months time I will be getting up in the morning to a kiss on the forehead, then I will be making coffee and reading in the sunlight while my cats run around in tropical paradise. Then maybe I will take a swim and then write for a few hours before I start making an elaborate dinner and somewhere in between darling boy will come home for lunch and we will cuddle and I will have all the time in the world to do what I want to do and I will be learning a new language and walking new paths and loving life. I will. I keep remembering that.

But first I have to get through this house shit...this moving the cats shit...this culture shock and realization that I am far, far from home. I have to get through uncomfortable months where going to the grocery store is just plain scary. I have to learn to drive on crazy European roads. I have to get through the language classes. I have to meet neighbors and hope I can convey to them that I am a hermit. I have to adjust to not working or having my own money. All that I must get through...and I will....and then I will be fine. Everything will be fine.


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