2005-03-02 - 7:52 p.m.

It's really fucking kind of strange what this puss bubble in my throat led to today.

I was driving home, starving, but not willing to eat because all I can taste with this illness is sugar and I am getting a little ill feeling from eating so many peanut butter cups. So then I started thinking how cool it would be if I had a big plate of Bunny's cookies waiting for me at home.

Bunny is this girl that I was friends with from kindegarten until our senior year (minus a year after she beat me up because of some stupid ugly boy). We had a group of friends that consisted of three pairs of best friends, me and Jill, Marcy and Kelli, Sara and Heidi. And then there was Bunny (Michelle). She wasn't someone that latched on or annoyed or anything like that, we all loved her, but she never had a best friend to pair up with, at least not in our group. So she would often hang out with one of the pairs if we weren't all together. What would always happen is that she would cause some rift between the two friends and then the group would side with one of the friends (Kelli was the one that decided who to side with) and one of the friends would be temporarily ousted from the group. Which means that one of us was always not on speaking terms with the rest. We would all sit together still, but someone was always ignored and was ignoring.

So that got me thinking about Bunny, the cookies. And then I had this vision of Bunny clocking my brother while we were standing next to a tree when we were kids. So I called him and asked him if Bunny had ever beaten him up and he said, "hell yeah, she knocked me out because I wanted to play with you guys and she didn't want me to. After she knocked me out you let me play."

She also beat me up. But I said that before.

So then I was thinking about how dysfunctional my group of friends was in high school. I was going through all those years, from kindegarten on, remembering all the stupid, stupid hurtful things that went on and I was remembering what a stupid bitch Kelli could be and how she was like the alpha female in our group.

But I totally admired that girl. There was just something about her. I always remember her hair. She has naturally curly hair and it is perfect hair. And it was really, really soft and we all wanted hair like hers. She used Aussi products and I, to this day, still use Aussi hairspray because of her.

So when I got home I called Kelli's parents. Her mom answered the phone and I said, "Hi Mrs. H., it's Whisper," and she said, "BLESS YOUR HEART!!!!" and then talked to me for 45 minutes. It was wonderful. Because it reminded me that at some point in my life I had a normal thing going on. I was always at Kelli's house. Her mom was like another mom to me. I loved her mother. And it was cool because even though I haven't talked to her in like fifteen years she still sounds the same and still talks to me the same as she did when I was a teenager.

Anyway, she gave me Kelli's number. I haven't talked to her in MANY years. But I called, and left a message. And maybe she will call me back but I am not even sure why I called her in the first place. Of all those girls it would seem like she would be the last one I would just want to call out of the blue.

It's weird.


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