2005-01-10 - 8:13 p.m.

Okay, so I realize that I have a problem. I totally know this. I just need to learn how to NOT have a problem. I know that if something is in my, beer, chips, cigarettes...I will eat it, drink it, smoke it...almost obsessively, until it is gone. I have a problem. I don't have a problem if it isn't in my house. This is why I am prone to throwing things out the back door.

I made my husband take those infernal chips out of my house. I was actually angry about the chips. Last night when we were driving home from shopping he said something about doritoes and in my head I thought, "oh, I can't wait to get home to eat baked cheetos." Then I got mad. Because if they weren't in my house I would have never thought about eating them. So he took those stupid chips out of my house. I called him two times this morning to remind him to take them out of my house.


I didn't tell him to take those stupid Japanese rice crackers out of here.

And I ate a whole bag of them this afternoon.

I haven't had anything to eat today but two basted eggs and some toast and a bag of rice crackers.

This is not healthy.

I have a problem.


I am enjoying a quiet night to myself tonight. While I would never trade having my husband here for anything...I do relish an occasional quiet, alone night. I don't know why. It is just good for me. I guess it comes from spending the last 11 years being alone most of the time. This is what I am used to. Plus, it's nice to have my cats act normal. They are complete morons when anyone is here. Too much turmoil for my poor dears lately. It will be nice to sleep a peaceful sleep tonight. When Boy is in my bed the cats are restless. This is one reason I am alone tonight. Cats were so bad last night that Boy needed to stay at his parents house in Muskegon (this is where he works when he is here and it an hour and a half away but he usually makes the commute) this evening so he could get some sleep.

Boy and I are leaving on Tuesday for Spain. I am going to get my stuff unpacked and get stuff set up for cats so I don't have to deal with that when I move there for good. I just want to get there and be done with it when I move there for good. I am a progression sort of person. Plus, I really, really wanted to spend the first night there, OUR first night there, together. He hasn't stayed in our new house yet. So when we get there on Wednesday it will be us staying there for the first time. That is cool. I need things like that.

I am going to bed now.


I wonder if I am going to need alone nights once I live with someone. I have never lived with a boy. I find it funny that I am six months married and I can say that I have never lived with a boy. I think, actually, that it is kind of funny that I have never lived with a boy period. I am 31 years old. I should have lived with a boy before. Meaning, a boy I was romantically involved with...I have lived with boys before, in fact, I lived with five of them for a year when I was 20. Anyway...I am kind of curious how I am going to deal with living with a boy. I know I won't be disappointed...but things are going to change. A lot. And I guess I am ready for that. I am scared of that, but I am ready for that.

Oh....last week my heater blower in my car stopped working. Then I went to pick my little brother up at school and he got in the car and closed the door and it started working again. WHY IS THAT???? WHY????

Also...some customer of mine the other said, "it could have been better, I couldn't use the syrup because you didn't open it," when I asked how everything was. So I flipped the top and said, "you mean, you couldn't get THIS open?" and she got mad at me. But you see...the bottle was one with a flip top. It was Smuckers sugar free syrup. A flip top. And she couldn't figure out that the top needed to flip. And even if she thought that the top needed to be cut off (because it does resemble the top of a hair dye container where you need to cut the top off before you can squeeze it out)she didn't have enought sense to actually unscrew the lid to use it. It was really funny.

I need to go to bed now.


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