2004-12-19 - 6:10 p.m.

Boy arrives tomorrow!!! BOY ARRIVES TOMORROW!!!!

And he is here until the 17th and I have very intention of going back with him on the 17th and helping him move our stuff into the house. Right now it is all boxed up in the house. I can't wait to get to that house. I REALLY CAN'T WAIT FOR THAT FIRST MORNING. When I have my boy, my cats, my new house and my new life all waking up with me. I'm so excited I could scream. I did scream, just then. I screamed.

Got in a little fight with Talking Girl today. Feel bad about it. But I've been prone to these moments of complete rage lately. You never know when they are going to strike, they just do. One might call me moody.

I am still freaked out by my dream last night. My brother called me this morning, so I know he is okay. But I am still very freaked out about it. The funny thing about dreams, especially dreams which are very real, is that you have truly lived through whatever has happened in that dream. I mean, like my dreams where I am working really hard at doing something, I will wake up sore and exhausted from working. I really DID do that, only it wasn't in this rhelm sort of thing. By the way, I have never learned to spell rhelm and I am totally guessing at it's spelling. Realm. I don't know. I also cannot SAY specific. I get really freaked out that I can't say that word because I hear it perfectly in my head but I can never say it.

I am trying to clean this house. But I just don't feel like it so I am not going to do it. Anyway, cleaning when you are living from boxes is kind of stupid. What am I going to do? Clean the boxes?

My Grandparents called tonight. I feel really bad because I STILL haven't sent out thank you cards for my wedding gifts. I felt totally guilty when they called tonight. My other grandmother, Oma, who died years and years ago would have KILLED me if she were still around. She was big on the thank you thing.

I really miss my grandmother Oma. I always miss her. That is terrible. She died when I was fifteen. But it feels like she has always been around. Sometimes I have a hard time remembering that she died when I was fifteen because it seems like she was always here. For everything. Most things from the first fifteen years of my life feel like they don't even belong to me...but my grandmother, that is very real to me.

I need to get out of here.


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