2004-12-02 - 8:35 p.m.
Why can I not make decisions any longer??? And why, when I am forced to decide something, do I always seem to make the wrong choice???
I decided today NOT to go to Chicago to spend my birthday with my brother. Because I decided that I really needed to get a massage and since I can't justify doing that at any other time than my birthday and they didn't have anything on Saturday (so I could still go to Chicago and get a massage too) I just booked a massage tomorrow at five. And now I am totally regretting it. I WANT to go to Chicago. It was all the blasted details of going to Chicago that stopped me. Renting a car, getting my license renewed, packing...you know, just stupid crap.
My cat Bear, who in previous years has hated all my other cats and who was hated by all my other cats, has become very friendly lately. Right now he is sleeping with my Squishy cat and earlier today he washed Smitten's head. It's very odd. He's always been a human lover, like the lovingest cat ever, but he hated other cats and caused all sorts of problems...now he is finally adjusting, after like six years.
My drier broke again today. I am going to fix it my damn self. IF I can figure out how to take it apart. It's always the taking apart part that messes me up. They make appliances so you cannot take them apart. Especially washers.
I also had the worst headache I have had in a long time today. It was so weird. I took a nap (because that is what I do lately) and when I woke up I felt this weird snapping like in my sinus area and then all of a sudden my head just started pounding. It was very uncomforable. So I sat with my fingers dug into pressure points for about half and hour and then took a tylenol and now it is just a really dull ache. I hope I am not dying.
I miss Eric. Things are seeming kind of strained between us right now. He's working like crazy AND trying to move...I am a complete basket case of depression and no motivation AND trying to figure out how to move...so I think we both just have a lot on our plates so I am just going to ignore the strained sounds of our voices. Things will be okay when he gets here for Christmas. It will all be okay...and if it isn't...it will definitely be good, great more than okay once we are living together and this can all end and we can get on with our lives.
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