2004-10-14 - 5:30 p.m.

I just couldn't do it...they told me that she won't get better, that there is nothing they can do...and I couldn't do it, at least not today. I couldn't put her to sleep. So I brought her home, at least for one night. She can't move, but she seems happy, she is purring. I just want her here for one night. Just to make sure. She's pulled through before and while I know that she won't pull through this one, I want her to pull through enough to die without my intervention. I want her to die naturally. She is 25, she deserves to die naturally, she is strong, she shouldn't be taken out in seconds witha needle. That's how I feel. And she would want to die here, at home. On her heating pad.

This was horrible. A horrible, horrible thing to decide. I could have pumped her full of meds, of sedatives and hoped that in a few weeks she regained some use, never all, of her legs. But I just can't do that to her either.

I will never have another pet. Ever. Ever. I don't care how happy we are now. I just don't want to do this again after these creatures have left me. I hate hurting. I really hate it.


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