2004-10-05 - 8:23 p.m.

Dear Mother Fuckers who progressively ganged raped my hopeful/happy/excited/proud/sereneforonce/confident mood today and made me once again hate life and everything involved in life.

You can all kiss my ass. I hate you for making me, for one brief moment, want to give this all up and crawl back into the hole I had so comfortably made for myself years ago. I hate you for making me feel like nothing. I hate you for making me question who I am and for making me feel insubstantial and like a failure in society. I hate you for making me think, again for one moment, that the things I have focused on in the last two years were the wrong things to focus on. I hate you for not knowing my situation and my thoughts before you progressively, one by one, ripped me back down to that desperately unhappy waitress with nothing on her plate but leftover toast crusts. You fucking suck. You suck for being so unhappy and so hopeless in your own lives that you feel you should suck everyone down with you. You suck for not looking at me and being happy, along with me, and sharing in my great joy of knowing something in my life will finally come to fruition, that all my hopes are being answered and answered far above any expectation I ever had. You suck for having power over me. You suck for making me drive home in tears. You suck because I hate you and because somehow I allowed you to turn this job that I have been working at for the last seven years into a hell. A job that I liked, and liked doing and liked going to. I hate you.

Tomorrow perhaps I will wake up in a better mood.


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