2004-10-04 - 10:11 p.m.

I am home now. Whirlwind two weeks in Europe. I can kind of feel myself spinning still. The only thing I didn't get to do was say a proper goodbye to France. Didn't even venture to Paris (because I just couldn't fathom doing that after the craziness of the week in Spain and a day in Barcelona was about all the city I could handle for a while). I will miss my days in France...I will always remember them very dearly. I am amazed looking back at the progression of all this. In the last two years I have grown into someone I never imagined myself being. I have gained a great deal of confidence. I have become even more of an individual than I was before. And a lot of that has to do with my time in France. I'll miss those days when I wake up and open the french doors to the sunlight, drinking my coffee sitting against the building on the balcony. I will miss the task of going to the store, how much I had to gather myself together to do that. I will miss my grand walks along the castle terrace. I will miss getting on a train and going into Paris, watching the Eiffel Tower sparkle over the river. BUT....

Now I get to have days in a house, in a little Spanish, stone walled village where jasmine grows to lushly people kind of think of it as a weed. I get to sit in my perfect house and begin real routines...because I will live there. I will go to the sea, I will spend nights with my husband not thinking about how many days I have left with him. I will have a wonderful life. The prospect of it is scaring me. I was honestly completely awestruck that my plane didn't go down today, because things are just too perfect. I don't know how to accept that quite yet.

Anyway....plane ride today was interesting. Six year old autistic boy behind me that kicked me in the back the WHOLE time and screamed at the top of his lungs for the entire trip unless he was taking the window shade and slamming it up and down. After about an hour my initial, "oh, that poor kid," turned into, "I am going to kill that child." But it is over now. I will forget it.

Bed now.


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