2004-08-12 - 6:58 p.m.

There are several things going on right now that I don't like and need to deal with.

One, I am totally pissed at my "father"...because...he arrived a day AFTER my wedding and then DIDN'T CALL ME FOR FIVE DAYS and when he did call he called on his LAST DAY HERE BEFORE GOING UP NORTH TO HIS BITCH WIFE'S FATHERS HOUSE to see if I could possibly meet them at Milham Park where they were taking their fucking children to play. AND THEN had the nerve to ask, after I told him that I could not meet him, if I happened to be going up north this week at all and if I could stop by his bitch wife's fathers then I called him yesterday (the day before he was leaving back to Colorado) and said that we were going up north, but not as far as he is and asked if he could meet us for dinner half an hour south of where he is and he said, "I don't know if I can do that, I don't know how that would work, politically, since this is our last night and Julie's parents have already rented movies for the kids." ASS.

And I have help (my husband) to get this house fixed and ready to sell and I can't pull it together to actually plan anything or to tell him where to start. I just don't want to start. I don't want to start at all. All I want to do is rip this place apart, throw everything away and hope that someone pays me enough to pay off my mortgage balance. I just want this to be over. I need to make some things happen.

I just had a beer and I feel totally drunk. I hate that.

I need my brother to come home RIGHT NOW. RIGHT NOW. I want to spend at least two months with him before I leave this country.


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