2004-07-07 - 10:00 a.m.
These are the things that make me really excited to move to Spain. I get to be with my BOY. No more weeks and weeks of desperate missing. No more crazy times of preparing for his visit, or preparing for my departure. No more chaos. No more flying for me, FOR ONE YEAR. No one better even think of getting married or dying or getting sick BECAUSE I AM NOT FLYING FOR ONE YEAR. PERIOD. BE AWARE. NO FLYING. I wonít have to think about bills for a while. Eric has agreed totally (smart boy, otherwise he would have to deal with the periodic electricity shut off when I forget to pay) to write out the checks for bills and the send them. I get to learn another language and I donít have to attempt to try to learn it on my own. I get to take an actual course. I get to take a course for as long as I want to take a course for. I should be, in theory, VERY fluent by the end of this stint. That will be great. I wonít have to work for a while. I get to take a couple years off work. Maybe I wonít be able to handle that and will start babysitting or something in Spain, but I doubt it. I donít even want to know if it is possible for me to get a work visa there, I just want to pretend that there is no way I could work there. I donít want to work. I donít want a job. I just want to spend my days writing and cooking and watering tomatoes and cuddling with kitties. I will be very close to the ocean. I am not an ocean person, but coming from Michigan I do need water close by. I can sense the lack of water in places where they donít have large bodies of water. So the ocean will be good for me. Plus I can go to the beach and listen to the waves. And saltwater, for whatever reason, makes my hair grow really fast. I will have really long hair again SOON. And speaking of hair, I wonít have to ďdoĒ my hair six days a week anymore. I can just let it be. When I am in France I only do my hair a couple times a week. IF we are going out. Otherwise I just let it be. My hair is naturally wavy, but not a pretty wavy, it is really curly in the front and just kind of wavy in the back, it is stupid. So everyday I straighten it. And I wonít have to wash it every day because I wonít be in that FUCKING RESTAURANT where the smell of grease, syrup and smoke just PENETRATE every single strand of hair and every single inch of skin. I will be really curious to see what I really smell like without THAT RESTAURANT soaked into my skin. I know it is soaked into my skin because the clothes that I wear there always have that lingering smell, no matter how many times I wash them. I wonít have to deal with people that are complete morons every day. I wonít have to listen to someone saying, for the five millionth time in a day, ďmy coffee is cold, not even close to hot, it is just luke warm, I donít know, has it been sitting there for a while, it is cold, I canít drink it, can I get another pot?Ē I wonít ever have to see those people again. I will be able to have European bread WHENEVER I WANT. I will be able to get good wine CHEAP. I will be able to go to many places easily WITHOUT FLYING that I have always wanted to see. I will sleep every single night with my soon to be husband. I will wake every single morning to the sleeping form of my soon to be husband. I will finally be able to spend time doing things I love to do. I will hopefully not be tired all the time anymore. I will hopefully not have sinus headaches every single day. I will be able to be healthy. I will be in a place where my family and friends will want to visit. It will be very exciting for me to share this with my family and friends. I am really looking forward to having guests. I am looking forward to being knowledgeable about where I live, to show them cool things, to give them an experience they couldnít get as mere tourists. I am excited that I will be able to cook big meals for people, that I might have an outdoor patio where we can eat by Spanish candlelight. I will not be in this town anymore. I will not have to deal with this house anymore. I will be starting from zero. I am very excited to start from zero. Sometimes in life we get too buried in mistakes and to try to rectify anything without starting from zero is impossible. I need to start from zero. I need to change everything. I will be changing everything and that is good. I will have to get rid of my fears. I will have to let my hermit go. I will have to go strange places by myself. I will have to learn things on my own and not rely on anyone to save me. Which leads to my next entry about being totally independent and how ironic it is that this move is going to make me totally independent. So I close for now.|
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