2004-07-03 - 5:32 p.m.

One. My neighbors cat had kittens in my house. This causes dilemmas all over the place. Because…this cat got into my basement this winter and is totally wild so I could never catch her and when and if she did get outside again I would always let her back in because it was cold and snowing and I felt bad that she had no where to go. So I tried to keep her in here because she was in heat, a lot, and I knew that if she got pregnant out there I would end up taking care of the kittens anyway since neighbor people don’t seem to be able to feed ALL THE FUCKING CATS THEY HAVE ACCUMULATED BY NOT GETTING THEIR CATS FIXED. My big idea was to tame her and take her in to get her fixed. But, I never did tame her and she got out here and there and always got back in…now I have two or three (I can’t tell because she won’t let me anywhere near her) kittens behind my shelves. So bright idea number two…grab the kittens, put them in a box so that mother cat would get in there herself, shut box and bring the whole bundle to the rescue where I would tell them that this cat had kittens on my porch and I didn’t know who she belonged to and that no one in the neighborhood knew either. But now here I am thinking that wouldn’t it be better if I just found homes for the kittens myself? Because surely at the rescue they won’t get adopted and will spend the rest of their lives in cages. I just don’t know what to do. All I know is that I have two or three kittens in my house.

Two. I am getting freaked out about my gym. I really think there is some bad mojo going on there. Nevermind that in the past few years the gym has gone through four owners…no one could seem to hold on to it. So we get these new owners and finally it seems like things are going to get done, new floors, new equipment…and in the midst of all the remodeling the head carpenter guy has a heart attack. So, he recovers, work starts again and two days ago the OWNER DIES. DIES. It’s fucking weird.

Three. I still can’t get these wedding plans together and this wedding is in 28 days.

Four. I went and visited my ring yesterday and I panicked because it is so beautiful. All of a sudden it seems like everything is going right…that freaks me right the fuck out. I mean, here I am, suddenly getting married to the only man on earth I would ever want to get married to, I found the ONLY diamond ring in the world that I have ever liked or wanted, I am moving to Spain AND DON’T HAVE TO WORK WHEN I GET THERE, and my cats are going with me and finally I will be able to BE with the man I love instead of missing him all the time. I get really freaked out…it isn’t possible for things to go THIS right in my life. So now that I am pretty much REALLY looking forward to this life I have coming up, I am terrified of losing it…what if it all falls apart? What if Eric suddenly finds some girl that way more the girl of his dreams than I am and leaves me? What if I can’t go to Spain, for whatever reason, and I am left here for another two or more years missing him and seeing him every six weeks? WHAT IF I DIE IN A PLANE CRASH ON MY WAY TO SPAIN???? ARGHHHHH.

Five. My dad actually spent a couple hours with me.

Six. I hate my job.

Seven. Did I mention that I have kittens?

Eight. My father used to be a vegetarian. He was devoted vegetarian. I truly believe that he believed very strongly in being a vegetarian. We were raised as vegetarians. When he remarried he started eating meat again because, “it was easier for Julie.” Now he tries to justify it by pretending that he doesn’t understand how a vegetarian diet can supply enough protein. Which pisses me off. Every single time he has seen me in the last ten years he asks what I do for protein. Protein has always been a non issue for me. First of all because virtually everything you eat has protein in it. Second of all because I eat what my body tells me to eat. Sometimes I DO crave protein, I’ll eat the hell out of it, sometimes my body tells me to eat vegetables and lots of them…but usually my body tells me to eat a really balanced meal. I never think to myself…”hmmm, I need more protein in this meal…” It pisses me off that he even asks because HE USED TO BE A VEGETARIAN, HE KNOWS DAMN WELL WHERE I GET MY PROTEIN FROM. And if he thought it was so unhealthy for you then why the hell did he raise my brother and I to be vegetarian? Anyway, he is really fucking lucky he ordered a vegetarian omelet when he came in for breakfast yesterday because had he ordered meat I would have thrown up all over him. Makes me sick that he eats meat now. REALLY sick.

Nine. I am tired.

Ten. I am done.


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