2004-05-05 - 8:38 a.m.

The day I left here, over a month ago, my cell phone myseteriously refused to work and my car was shooting out plumes of smoke so vast that my entire village was consumed with a layer of Whisper's car smoke.

When I left a month ago my plane rides were disturbing, delays, late arrivals, missing connections...turbulence for most of the trans Atlantic flight...a large fat man next to me for eight hours who was sleeping so soundly I couldn't get up to go to the bathroom and his bulk had taken up half my own seat...and then a desperate sprint through Amsterdam, with a full bladder, to try to make it to my connection to Paris, which I missed boarding by three minutes (as an upside to that, I was able to go to the bathroom finally and I was upgraded to business class for the flight they put me on...I got to eat with real

When I got home yesterday, after a nearly flawless day of flights, my phone mysteriously was working again and my car, even more mysteriously, is not smoking...not at all.

Somehow, while I was away, I must have somehow ended up on the right path. I have gotten this feeling lately that I had been making all the wrong decisions, that I had led myself down the way wrong path and so everything was just going to hell. But somehow now it seems that I have righted that path. I don't know what I did. Maybe it was that choice of staying an extra week. Maybe it was the resolution in my mind that every thing I do for the next several months will be only done to get me to where the Boy is. I am no longer thinking in terms of permanence within my own life. I am only thinking in terms of motion. Getting me out of here, out of being without him. For instance, today I need to work on my gardens and for the first time ever I did not immediately think I should go to the greenhouse to get new flowers, the first think I thought was that I need to go out there and get it cleaned up, make what is there look pretty. Because I am going to sell this house and am not going to buy new flowers for someone else.

I have a lot to do.

And I have a lot of convincing to do with my cats. I am pretty sure they are not up for this move. But they are going to have to be.


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