2004-03-25 - 8:51 a.m.

I seriously have the best boyfriend ever. One day I say in passing, “I just love this Happy Bunny stuff, you should really look at the website because Happy Bunny is so funny,” and five days later a box full of Happy Bunny stuff, including a wonderful pair of socks that say, “Whatever, Moron” arrives at my door.

My brother was here. Now he is not. He might be back, I hope he will be back, before I leave. That is the plan anyway and I hope he does come back because if he wasn’t coming back I would have looked into changing my ticket and leaving earlier. Because I am just that desperate to see E. Anyway. I realized while my brother was here that the beautiful thing about family is that there is no adjustment time. No getting used to someone again, no not recognizing them immediately when they step off a train. It has been two and a half years since I last saw him, but it somehow seems as though there has been no time missing. Family is wonderfully honest. It is something that I notice missing when I visit my dad. It seems that I am visiting a stranger. I am on my best behavior, not swearing, not showing weakness. There are a few changes in my brother. One, he has become very considerate. He paused the movie when I got up even though I didn’t ask him to. And most importantly, he saved the last piece of soy chicken for me. This might seem rather unimportant, but it was very significant. I made a bunch of soy chicken the night before, with gravy and what we didn’t eat that night I put back in the fridge. We LOVE soy chicken with gravy. I thought about it at work, how I would love to come home and eat some but I knew there were only four pieces left, which is a small amount, and that brother would have eaten it before I got home. But when I got home there was a piece left. I know he left it for me. My brother is very loyal. When he was living here two and a half years ago there was a big storm that ripped all the wires from my house. I was without electricity for a week. And it was cold. We were cold. Instead of leaving me here alone, which he easily could have done, he stayed with me because I would not leave my cats alone. We sat in front of the oven for almost a week dressed in winter coats and layers of clothes. That was very meaningful to me.

I took two much needed days off this week. I had Wednesday already scheduled as my day off but on Tuesday I snapped and turned into crazy, evil waitress woman and so I gave away my shift for today. Yesterday I slept like crazy, watched movies, made juice and a healthy breakfast, took a long bath, read a book and drank a pot of coffee. Yesterday was relax day. Today I have many errands, appointments and things to do. Which I am avoiding. Which is why I am writing an entry right now instead of getting in the shower. I HAVE to be out of this house no later than 10:30 because I HAVE to go to the gym and I HAVE to be at Planned Parenthood as close to noon as I can. Today is walk in clinic day and since I can never keep appointments this is my best option to get my annual exam. Which I am seven months over due for. If it weren’t for the debilitating cramps I get every month I probably would put it off for another few months. But I can’t handle the cramps anymore. I just cannot. I am tired of one day out of every month actually crying because every single last part of my body is twisted in a gut wrenching cramp. Even my legs get hard as a rock from muscle cramping. So I am going. Going to find out 1. what is wrong and 2. what I can do without having to take medicine.

Interestingly enough…the other day I had my body fat measured. I have very low body fat, like lower than they recommend for even an Olympic swimmer. An Olympic swimmers LOW body fat should be 14%. Mine is a little less than 13%. And I am not an Olympic swimmer. Anyway, from the research I have done about cramps I have found that some sort of fat missing or low can cause terrible cramps. And, I have found that calcium can help cramps. Turns out that someone with low body fat is losing bone mass, and therefore calcium. So I am wondering how much of my cramping has to do with very low body fat. I am sure that someone is wrong. Either the machine used to measure my body fat or all these web sites I am looking at concerning body fat and where it should be. First of all, I am not super skinny or anything. I am totally average. I am your typical average girl. One might refer to me as thin, but not skinny. And I have obvious fat pockets on my ass. How can it be possible to have very low body fat when one has very obvious pockets of fat on their ass?

Okay, I must shower now.


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