DELVING BETWEEN THE TOES OF LIFE....I AM TOEJAM


2004-01-08 - 7:57 p.m.

Itís been a bad fucking day today.

First of all I woke up without a Boy next to me. AND, I had to go to work (something I havenít been doing a lot of in the last two weeks) at five oíclock this morning. And just to add to those two things, my cat, Lucinda, who is twenty-five years old, did not eat AGAIN this morning. Which makes it day three of no eating for her. So I called the vet and made an appointment. I hate my vet and I especially hate her now because today I had the only vet there that is worth a damn and she actually did something for the cat instead of sending me home with the same antibiotic that other vet gives me for ALL my cats for ANY ailment. I just had Lucy there a month ago because she was peeing on the floor (which indicates a bladder infection). I was sent home with that fucking anti biotic AGAIN and Lucy never seemed to get better. So today the other vet wanted to run blood tests(which should have been done in the first place) and they came back pretty bad. My cat had to be hospitalized for at least four days. They want to re-hydrate her before making any sort of diagnosis. They are pretty certain she is shutting down, but didnít want to make that sort of prognosis while she was very dehydrated and sick. So, tonight she is not here. She is only half a mile away, but I worry because she is alone and wonít have a human or feline body to snuggle into. I donít want her to die. I will be honest when I tell you that I have less of an attachment to her than I do my other cats (because she isnít really mine anyway, I rescued her seven years ago when a busboy at work was going to have her put to sleep because he couldnít have cats in his new apartment) but I still love that cat. She is an integral part of my day and I carry her around every where with me because she is always cold and likes to be bundled against me. She may cost me a trip to France, but I donít care. I just want her home.

My job sucks and it so time to leave.

For those of you who asked. Boy is not slated to officially come home until July of 2005. That is when his contract is up. However, he can still apply for other jobs as they come available within the company. And he did just submit his resume for one here in Michigan. BUT, I am certain that Boy wants to finish his job there and I am certain that they will keep him there as long as possible so I am not holding my breath. I think if he really wanted to come home he could. But I also know that he wants to complete what he set out to do. So, I donít expect him back here until July of 2005. But that is not set in stone. He could be back here, or sent elsewhere, at any time. That is one of the reasons I have not yet moved to France. I donít want to move there and then be sent back the next week because something else came up. As it stands right now, he wonít be back until at the very earliest, the end of this year. What I would really like is for him to come back this summer. So I can spend one more extended amount of time in France (and stock up on tights and gum) and so I can get this house ready to sell so our transition is easy. But, I know that because I want him to come back this summer, it wonít happen. So according to the way things work for me, he will be home next month (if he gets that job he submitted his resume to) or he will be back in July of 2005. This really sucks.

My job really sucks.

I want Lucinda home.

I am going to bed.

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