2003-11-04 - 8:32 a.m.

Okay, so I made it here. Other than a crazy four hour delay in Detroit that turned my travel day into eighteen wasn't so bad. I mean, I am terrified of flying and had a really hard time keeping myself composed during the six and a half hour flight over here...but it could have been worse. I could have been stuck there in Detroit WITHOUT the boy. But as it turned out, I got off my plane from Kalamazoo and walked really fast to the gate where he would be landing and then...there he was, straight out of the sky. My darling.

And now I am here. Feels as though I never left. This life he and I are living is starting to become more normal for me. It feels as though I have three lives going on, all of them comfortable and normal. I have my life by myself, there. I have life with him, here. I have life back there, with him. All three of those modalities now seem perfectly normal to me. I arrived here yesterday and didn't even blink an eye. It really seems as though it was yesterday that I was here last. My mind quickly reverts to routine here. It's so strange.

So I am here. I feel as though I am quickly healing. When I got on that plane yesterday I realized just how broken down I had become in the last couple months. I felt as though I was on my last thread of being. But I am recovering now. I slept a tortured sleep last night, full of nightmares, but even that somehow feels right. As though I just need to get it all out of me. My rash is already healing, my coldsores are almost gone, the cuts on my hands are healing fast, I am not tired, for once I am not tired and my body feels relaxed and warm. This is good.

In just a few days I will be clear, healthy, normal thinking and not be slouching over every few minutes with shooting, twisting cramps. (which is really horrible, you know your body is against you when you start your period in an airport in Detroit and have to fly for seven hours with merciless cramps. If anyone tells me again that the body is hardly affected by flying I am going to shoot them. I swear to God that the higher we climbed in altitude the worse my cramps got, every time we changed altitude I could feel it in my gut until I thought my insides were going to just break. And as we came down the pain dissapated drastically. If I were to ever be pregnant(which I WON'T) I will not fly. I have always worried about pregnant people flying because I jsut know it cannot be good for a fetus, now I know I am right.) ANYWAY.

I am here. I am going for a walk now, something I have been looking forward to for months.


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