2003-11-02 - 6:11 a.m.

OkayÖ.so all night I kept waking up in a panic about my cats. As usual, every time I leave I freak out about the cats. So, should I die today in a plane crashÖ.

My wish is that they all stay togetherÖsome place where no one will kick them, some place where someone doesnít care that the cats rule the house. Some place where kitties can sleep in bed with a human being. Some place where they can go outside at least once a day for a little while. But I know that it would be highly unlikely that anyone would want to adopt six cats. So.

Squish, Smudge, Bubba and Smitten like each other, a lot. So if someone would take four, take them. Second option from this grouping is for someone to take Squish, Smudge and Bubba. Third choice from this grouping is that someone should take Squish and Smudge. They cannot be separated. They love each other. Of course, Bubba should be with them too, but he sometimes isnít AS co dependent as those two are.

Bay-Bay can go to some one who is willing to work with a cat who has mood swings. Some one who WILL NOT get mad when Bay freaks out. Bay is a VERY (the most) loving cat, but has a tendency to bite you when you are least expecting it. MOST IMPORTANT THING when finding home for kitties is that the person NOT kick or hit them EVER. EVER. Not even if they bite you. EVER. And you will probably want to get him declawed otherwise you will spend your life all scratched up as I do and I know I am probably the only person in the world that can deal with that.

Smitten needs to be some place where he can go outside for hours whenever he wants and be able to get back inside whenever he wants.

Lucy (my mother will hate this, but not as much as her boyfriend will hate it) goes to my mother. No questions. My mother is the only person I know who can care for such an old cat and who will not put her to sleep just because she is blind and deaf and sometimes has trouble walking a straight line.

People that are likely to take cats? Nicole would possibly want Squish, but make sure she knows Squish is a package deal. Squish needs Smudge. Maybe my Aunt Jesus could take a couple? Maybe my brother? Kathy is not allowed, she knows why.

I love these cats. Probably too much for my own good, but I canít help it. They are the reason I live. They are everything I am. They are purely and simply the most important part of my life. I cannot survive without them and I think they would have a hard time surviving without me. So I want them to be happy. My fears of dying are mostly from the fact that I donít know where my cats would go. It drives me crazy. Oh, Smudge cannot have anything with fish in it. Nothing with fish. NOTHING. Cannot even have it in the house. And he has to be protected from fleas year long with Frontline or he loses his hair.

As for other thingsÖI donít care. If I should have any money or anything (maybe sell everything I own) buy my neighbor girl a bunch of gift certificates to pet stores (for heavens sake donít give her cash) and to the vet so she can buy her cats (that I feed) food and get them FIXED so they donít keep multiplying.

If I am in a coma and have brain damage that is irreversible, donít keep me alive artificially. If I am in a coma, without terrible brain damage that would leave me dependent on others when I came out of it, keep me alive artificially for no longer than seven years. I donít wish to live if I have to be dependent on other people. I mean, I can depend on them for SOME things, but not everything.

I think that takes care of it.

I love my family, I love my friends, I love my E. and his family too. AND I LOVE MY CATS. TAKE CARE OF MY CATS.

I am going to go finish getting ready to go now. This sucks. I want to stay home. I want that boy to be coming here. I donít want to go. I donít want to go.

Oh, and maybe the two neighbor cats that live with me could be found nice homes. I would hate to think that I left Fishy and Talker with no home. Okay, that is really it.


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