2003-10-30 - 5:37 a.m.

I did not win or even place in the writing contest I have been patiently waiting to hear about for two months.

I do not have a car yet.

My birthday NUMBER THIRTY is quickly approaching and because I have not done anything with my writing I am going to have to go register for school and find myself some sort of suck ass career shit fucking crap so I can survive my last sixty years on this stupid, ugly, ruined, backwards earth.

Did I mention that I still don't have a car?

I have no money.

I am a waitress (that alone should be enough).

I have some sort of weird stress rash on my neck that is all welted and ugly and looks just great under my two cold sores that are located on each corner of my mouth making me look like I have a blistered Kool-Aid mustache.

My ass instead of getting compact and perfectly rounded by my extra gym exercise specifically for asses, is instead just becoming a more pronounced and yes, rounded, blob of fat. It's like the new muscles are just pushing out the fat that was already there. Which I guess is exactly what is happening, but I specifically added more cardio to my workout to get rid of fat and I know I don't even eat enough to sustain myself normally, so why won't the fat go away?

I don't want to go to school.

I really, really don't want to.

But I really, really can't be a waitress any more either.

And now I must go to work.


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