2003-10-25 - 5:21 a.m.

Must revise last entry because my father sent me a third of the money to pay for my car repairs and that was just plain nice of him. It is, however, my mother that is carrying most of the load in my current crisis. My mother who has made sure, for the three weeks or so that I have been without the car, that I get where I need to go.

So while I am being totally FUCKED by the car repair shop, my mother is dutifully waking up early to drive me to work, or going without a car so I can drive to work myself. While I am being totally FUCKED by car repair shop I am managing to live quite well without car. That amazes me. I thought for sure I would crumple into a ball of short cicuited nerves by now. But I haven't and the only good thing about my car being gone and being totally FUCKED by car repair shop is that I have had little time to think about my fear of flying and the fact that I leave in eight days.

I really hate flying.


This time might be okay though, maybe. I will be meeting E. in Detroit, me coming from Kalamazoo, him from D.C. and we are flying to Paris together. That should prove to be a really funny flight, I am sure we are going to disgust a lot of people because we haven't seen one another in seven weeks and won't have any privacy to reaqauint with one anothers lips for twelve hours. So, if you are on that flight from Detroit to Paris with us, I apologize for what I know will be a very open and uninhibited display of public affection.

But then there is my paralizing fear of flying. So I may be comatose and unable to carry on with public display of affection because I will be too busy gnawing on plasic spoons and forks. (E. brought me my black coat, which I had left in Paris, the last time he was home this summer. When I reached in the pocket I found a jumble of totally gnawed and twisted plastic utensils that I have devoured during the flight to and from Scotland.)

So that is all.

I have to go to work, yet again. I am on day 23 in a row right now. That really sucks.


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