DELVING BETWEEN THE TOES OF LIFE....I AM TOEJAM


2003-06-10 - 8:22 p.m.

You know how everyone always says that if you aren’t looking for something (love, a job blah blah) it will just appear? I used to think that was just something people said, a reassurance thing. You know, “sure Jane, you will have love someday, when you aren’t looking for it it will just show up,” and poor love-less Jane somehow finds solace in that and pretends for a while that she isn’t looking for love. Well, I am beginning to think that isn’t so made up any more. I mean, I break up with a man I was with for five years, vow to never be in a relationship again, even swear off sex for a year and WHAM!! Eric is handed to me on a platter. Love of my life, perfect match all that jazz. And thinking back to times when I was extremely happy with my job….I was getting job offers left and right and now that I am totally fed up with the place and want to murder every last person within those stupid walls not one person has offered me a job…why? Because I want a new job, if I didn’t I would be getting all those job offers again.

But the truth of that whole theory finally hit me today. Before I left for France I was cleaning my house, packing some stuff up so it wouldn’t get dusty over the months I was gone. In the process of all that I broke some shelves I have had since I was eighteen. They were called the Leaning Shelves of Whisper because, well, they leaned. In fact, they lean so much that ten years ago my roommate got trapped under them when she was snooping in my room and they leaned over and fell right on her. I freakin’ loved those shelves. I got them for $20 and they were total crap, but what I liked about them is that they were unique. They weren’t mere bookcases, they were shelves built in a unique way, they had open sides and an open back. I liked them (not just because they fell on people) because you could see the stuff on the shelves from all angles. Not like regular bookcases where if you are standing at the side you can’t see what’s in the shelves. ANYWAY…I broke them. And since I returned OVER A MONTH AGO I have been searching in vain for a replacement. I had a lot of stuff on those shelves, they were big 70 inches across and 70 inches high and now all that stuff is in boxes and all the books are piled in my living room which I can’t even walk into right now. I have been to every single store in a 60 mile radius of this town and have not found one thing that even comes close. I got on line and looked and I DID find something wonderful there, but for SIX HUNDRED DOLLARS. So finally, yesterday, after having gone to the very last place I could look for something, I just ordered these cheap ass metal and wood shelves from Walmart because I have to get this stuff off the floor and out of boxes before I go insane. I figured I could paint the metal part in some cool way and the shelves could suffice until I find something else. So…after spending $80 on shelves I don’t like and don’t intend to use for long I actually felt a lot better. It was nice to know that I could at least put my books on something and be able to walk through my living room again.

And then, of course, today I found some shelves…just when I wasn’t looking. I had gone to buy a coffee pot replacement and I find the stupid ass shelves that I want. Now I just have to figure out how to get them here and what to do with the Walmart shelves.

So really, if you aren’t looking, you will find it. Believe that.

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