2003-04-14 - 8:56 a.m.

It’s funny because when I first arrived here five weeks ago I had thought to myself…spring has sprung…but now, this morning in particular, I realize that spring had not sprung, but sometime over this weekend it has made its appearance. Something I miss about Michigan is the way spring springs there. It is usually right after a big thunderstorm that you see the difference, how suddenly every tree is green, how lawns perk up and glow emerald, how the air just hangs different. But here there wasn’t something really discernible like that. Here it just gradually happened. Every day another tree fills out with leaves, but nothing happens quickly here. It is gradual. Everything takes time here…seasons, meals, even checking out at the grocery store is full of process. But I like it.

I only have three more weeks here and I am very sad, already feeling my heart retreating so the shock doesn’t hit me so hard when I board that plane three weeks from today and head west over the ocean. I miss my cats, I miss them despertately….and that is about all. I like life here, I like the smells, the sounds, the routine of the life I have made here. And the thought of not seeing E. for months is something I cannot even fathom any longer. I am not only used to him, but I happier with him in my life than I have ever been. I always thought my solitude was something I needed, the only way I would be really happy. But now I realize that I am even happier when I am sharing a life with him. I enjoy having my days to myself here, but I wouldn’t enjoy having them to myself if I didn’t know he would be coming home from work at some point. It is going to be terribly difficult to go home and resume life there…resume the way our relationship works from a distance. But I understand that this is the way it has to be now and I just have to be patient (hahahahahahaha) for a little less than two years. Ugh.

We are leaving for Scotland on Friday. I am very excited about this trip. We aren’t spending an extended amount of time in any one place in Scotland, we are going to be traveling to different parts of it, the eastern part, western part, southern and middle parts. The only part we won’t see is the northern most parts. There are several things I am really excited about…first and foremost….being able to spend five whole, uninterrupted days with E, of course I am most excited about that. And, we are flying into Newcastle so I get to see where they make my favorite beer and I get to DRINK my favorite beer at its origin. That is exciting. I am also really excited about the island we are staying at for the weekend. It is called The Isle of Skye. Just to be able to stay someplace with that kind of name is something. I don’t think I would care if it was a shithole, I just love the name so much that I will love the island no matter what. And after the Isle of Skye we are staying a night in a castle nestled into a landscape that from pictures looks like something one would only find in dreams. I am a little nervous about the fact that most of the places listed in the hotel guide for Scotland list things like DEER STALKING (what the HELL is DEER STALKING?) and the shooting of various things under facilities…there seems to be a lot of shooting going on up there. It was funny because I was reading that hotel guide and there were a few places that listed stalking, hunting and fishing under facilities…had I not already read the phrase DEER stalking I might have been a little more nervous as they seem to find stalking to be some great pastime. Anyway…I am terribly excited and anxious to get someplace where I can say more than one word at a time to people. I am getting a little overwhelmed with the language here and crave hearing English again on a regular basis. Before I come back here in September I need to take some serious French classes. I am drowning in the language here. There are times, like last night, when I just feel like shooting myself from my inability to communicate beyond the normal guidebook French phrases. So it will be nice to have a couple days where I don’t have to pray that no one speaks to me.

Today I intend to get my digital camera hooked up to my computer….hopefully I can post some pictures of this place at some point before I leave.

If I leave.


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