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2003-02-15 - 7:17 p.m.
It amazes me...the number of people who act like asses to their servers. I cannot
believe that people can act like that when someone else is in total and complete control of
their food and drink. I’ve never witnessed or even heard about anyone actually spitting in
someone’s food....but I have seen waitresses accidentally spill food on the floor and then
pick it up and serve it if they happen to really, really dislike the customer they are serving.
And I will tell you that if you have acted like an ass to me I WILL put you in punishment
mode. You might not really KNOW you are in punishment mode, I will still give you
impeccable service, I will still refill your drinks when needed, get your food, your bill to
you as fast as I can...but...I’m not going to pick out the best looking hashbrown for you
and I probably won’t melt the cheese on your food and I will charge you for every last
thing I can think of.
I had an impatient table today. Food, on the weekends, takes a lot longer than it does on
the weekdays. I have no control over this. My table, who actually hadn’t been waiting for
very long, called ANOTHER waitress over to check the status of their food (which I
happened to be pulling at the very moment they were impatiently inquiring about their
order to the OTHER waitress). I hate that. I hate it because I am ALWAYS in my
section, I wander my section, so much so that I have had people tell me I am like a shark
circling prey, these people were so impatient that it must have been like a thirty second
thing...I had JUST been to their table to give them syrup and had gone RIGHT to the
kitchen to get their food and within the time I had walked from their table to the time I got
to the kitchen they had suddenly decided they needed their food now and instead of having
asked me thirty seconds ago, they call someone else over. I don’t like that, makes me feel
like I’m not doing my job. So I got mad. And I put their food back in the window and
went to the table and said in my sweetest voice, “I am SO sorry your breakfast is taking so
long, I just checked on it and it shouldn’t be too much longer. They’re just a little behind
right now because we have a banquet.” In the meantime their food is sitting under heat
lamps growing more and more unfresh as the moments drag on. This is just a minor thing
and if I hadn’t of already been irritated by another table I probably would have not taken it
so personally. But really...I can’t stand that people that go out to breakfast act like it is
some unwanted chore in their day. Just enjoy it. Enjoy being able to sit for a while and
have someone wait on you. Enjoy that for a moment you can just sit idle, not worry about
things, not have to do anything but drink your damn coffee and read the paper. Talk to
the person you are with, have a CONVERSATION for the love of god. Don’t act like
your day is shot because your breakfast took twenty minutes.
I wish I could make a rule book for customers. A guide for going out.
READ THE SIGN...if it says “PLEASE WAIT TO BE SEATED” then PLEASE
WAIT TO BE SEATED.
DO NOT SIT AT A DIRTY TABLE.
Acknowledge your server when they come to your table. Turn off your goddamn cell
phone at least until your entire order has been placed. People talking on cell phones
WILL NOT GET WAITED ON VERY QUICKLY. I see someone sitting at a table
talking on the phone and I go to other tables first.
Get your shit off the table so when I arrive at the table with arms loaded with
steaming hot plates I don’t have to wait for you to move said shit while my arms are
getting blistered by said plates. And do not try to help me unload plates. Just sit in your
god damn seat with your hands in your lap. Do not make one move as I unload
plates.
When I ask you if you need anything else, be prepared. Do not call me back over in
thirty seconds to ask for an orange juice. I will be back to check on you shortly and you
can ask for it then. Only if there is a mistake with your order should you call me back.
When I come to clear your plates do not suddenly start piling shit on them. I do not
wish to stand there while you one by one pluck empty sugar packets off the table and pile
them on the plate. If you feel you must do this, do it before I get there and if you don’t
happen to get to it, pile your empty stupid sugar packets on something else other than the
plate I wish to evacuate. Or how ‘bout just not worrying about it.
If there is something wrong with your food do not launch into some lengthy diatribe
about it. Just tell me there is something wrong and you need a new breakfast. Same with
coffee...do not say, “Could we get another pot of coffee, this one seems a bit lukewarm,
it’s not hot at all, it’s cold, really not hot at all, if we could just get a new pot of coffee, or
maybe just warm these cups up a bit or something, you don’t need to fill the entire pot,
just a half would be fine, just as long as it’s hot...” Just say, “this coffee is cold, can I get
another pot?” I don’t need unnecessary information. You waste my time and are
contributing to holding up someone else’s order thus making THEM start complaining.
Your wasted words create a chain effect.
Do not examine your bill and then pull out a menu. THE PRICES ARE PRINTED
ON THE BILL STUPID ASS. THEY ARE THE SAME PRICES AS IN THE MENU.
You may check my addition if you feel that sure that some mathematical error is going to
break you...BUT DO NOT PULL OUT THE MENU AND CHECK THE ALREADY
PRINTED PRICES AGAINST THE PRINTED PRICES IN THE MENU.
Children are welcome, I love children....but if they are ordering for themselves and
having a hard time doing so....PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, HELP THEM
ALONG. I don’t have time to help your children learn some sort of lesson in
independence. I do not have the time to stand there while your child looks at me blankly
when asked how they want their egg. JUST FUCKING TELL ME AND YOU CAN
TEACH THEM ABOUT INDEPENDENCE AT HOME.
If you sit at a table for more than it would take for a leisurely breakfast...then
PLEASE realize you are robbing your waitress and compensate her for it. You are taking
up a table that someone could be making money on if you would get your asses up and
leave. Today we had a six top come in, took up two tables in one waitresses sic table
section for FOUR HOURS. Those tables could have been turned AT least five times
which means she could have made at least another $30...but these people sat and sat and
sat and left her $7.00. WE don’t mind you sitting for hours...but keep in mind that we
only make money if we turn tables and if you are sitting there you should be tipping a little
extra to compensate.
Do not get pissed off because your breakfast is TOO BIG. Yes, OUR OMELETS
ARE SIX EGGS, THIS IS OUR “CLAIM TO FAME”, AND WHEN I TELL YOU WE
DON’T MAKE SMALLER OMELETS DO NOT GET ANGRY...JUST DON’T EAT
THE WHOLE THING, OR TAKE SOME OF IT HOME YOU IDIOT. I see this happen
SO much and it is always women...,”don’t you make a smaller omelet?” they will ask.
“No, I’m sorry, we don’t,” I will tell them and they will actually get MAD. I know the
only reason they get mad is because they want an omelet but are worried about being
perceived as a fat, gluttonous pig if they order one. Then they’ll say, “Fine, I’ll just have
----- then,” which is usually JUST AS MUCH FOOD ANYWAY. Women always act so
stupid when they get a big breakfast. Don’t act like you eat like a bird, I KNOW you
don’t. I KNOW when you get in your car with your box full of uneaten omelet you are
shoving it in your face as you drive home. I KNOW it.
I could go on and on....and I’m sure I will.
The good news is that I leave in 23 days and will not be back for two months. Can
you believe THAT? |
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