2002-07-06 - 6:40 p.m.

The contents of my purse has been a long standing source of entertainment for my coworkers. In addition to the ever present pounds of change and rocks that settle on the bottom of my purse you will sometimes find things such as silverware, a stray sock, bubbles, a miniature chimney sweep from a Dickens Christmas Village set with his arm broken off, pieces of sunglasses, sticks of gum that have long since melted, candles, tops of milk jugs, coffee beans, single tarot cards, flea collars, melted lipsticks, a set of vampire teeth I put in my mouth when I feel road rage, and sometimes my home telephone (when I grab it instead of my cell phone). These are just examples, I just throw things willy nilly into my purse. On occasion someone, when bored, will say, “Whisper, show us what’s in your purse,” and I will comply while they laugh and laugh.

Today I came to work and threw my purse under the counter as usual, its contents hanging out unzipped. A little later I came in the back to find my coworkers gathered around the cupboard snickering. Someone said, “Uh, why do you have a million honey packets in your purse?” My face turned the color of a million beets festering in hot sun. You see, the honey packets started as kind of a joke that I brought along with me whilst travelling around with my “friend” this past week. However, the honey somehow ended up being spread over various parts of my upper body and dripped onto my lips at some point during the week (And NOOOOO, I did not break my god damn vow), my coworkers finding my honey stash embarrassed me because it wasn’t as though I was carrying it around to put in oatmeal or something. Anyway, my guilt was blatantly obvious upon my face and I stammered as I tried to back out of the room and away from their surprised faces. Just then someone said, “Nevermind the honey, now I’m wondering what on earth she’s doing with that large stick of chalk in her purse.....”

I think it’s time to clean out my purse.


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