2002-05-02 - 4:23 p.m.

It’s really sad when your loved ones make you want to move very very far away so you can have the solitude you need to get your strength and focus back.

It’s really sad when your ex-boyfriend who was a friend before you started dating and was your friend through the five years of dating, acts like a complete idiot and makes it impossible to continue any sort of relationship with him.

It’s really sad when you get all your ducks in a row and start kicking ass on things you’ve been meaning to do and other people mess it up for you.

It’s really sad that I AM NOT HAPPY!

Okay, okay. I am happy. Beneath this rage, discomfort and sadness I am happy. It’s there. I just wanted some time to get rid of the surface emotions that have been plaguing me for some time. Just wanted some peace and quiet in which I could tear my house to shreds and not have to worry about leaving things out that I don’t want people to see. I wanted time to just be quiet, not talk, not work through situations that involve other people. I just want to deal with myself. That said...

I move on...

Yesterday was a whack ass day for cashiers. I’ve never seen anything like it. Started at five in the morning when I went to get gas. I went to the counter to pay and the cashier said nothing, not one word, wouldn’t even look at me. So I had him a twenty and he hands me my change. I expected something as I was leaving but he still said nothing so I turned around at the door and grabbed a pack of gum, plopped it on the counter and still...nothing. I hand him two bucks, he hands me my change.

One o’clock, I go to the grocery store. I bought eighty cans of cat food because it was on sale. When I do this I buy ten of each flavor, stack them on the counter according to flavor so the cashier only has to actually scan in 8 cans and press [email protected] This cashier started scanning them individually and as I stared at her wide eyed she started to get overwhelmed by all the cans. I’ve noticed when people get overwhelmed with something they tend to focus on something else for a minute while they regain their composure. This cashier became focused on a hangnail. She stopped her process completely to study the hangnail and to pick at it until she was able to tear it from her skin. Then she started bleeding and had to dig in the drawer for a band aid. I still had 64 cans of cat food to be scanned. Finally she started scanning again and I said, “ know, usually the cashier will just scan one can of each flavor and then punch the [email protected] button...” she glares at me and then starts staring at her bandaid, peels it back to check the bleeding, and then resumes the one by one can scan.

Two o’clock. I am at the store where I buy my essential oils. There were three women standing at the counter, on woman behind the counter. The woman behind the counter was in her mid fifties, the other women were probably late forties. As I stroll past the counter I catch their conversation. Woman behind the counter was saying, “Oh, I just shave my mustache off, I’ve been doing it since I was a teenager, it never grows back thicker.”

Another woman answers, “Yes, I’ve tried that too, but it grows back kind of stubbly, I prefer to get mine waxed but that always leaves red marks.”

And it goes on like this. I stood there dumbfounded, I wanted to shout, “Jesus, have some dignity, there are OTHER people in this store, there are even some MEN!” I mean really, there are some things we should never never discuss with other people. At least not in public, and how one takes care of ones mustache is one of those things.

Finally I get home and discover that the 10 yard dumpster I ordered to get rid of all my construction rubble was not placed where I had specified and worse, it is sitting two inches in the road. So I call the company, they will not cooperate with me. I say, “Is there any way you can have someone come out and move the dumpster to a better place?” Receptionist puts me on hold. When she comes back she says, “If you want to you can just fill it and we’ll pick it up tomorrow,” oh yeah, I'm going to fill a TEN YARD DUMPSTER IN ONE DAY!

I paid $110.00 for this thing, for a week. I tell her this.

“Well, we can’t move it once we delivered it without an extra charge,” she tells me.

I repeat that I had specified when ordering the thing where to put it. I also tell her that it is in the road and that the county will ticket them if they don’t move it. She doesn’t care, I hang up on her.

Later I find a note on the dumpster that says they will be back to move it later. I hadn’t seen it when I got home and basically got mad for no reason. Well....I guess I have reason now because no one has moved it yet.

So now I am going to go throw away my past life in my glorious 10 yard dumpster. And then I’m going to drink myself under the table.


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