DELVING BETWEEN THE TOES OF LIFE....I AM TOEJAM


2002-04-06 - 6:09 p.m.

I'll start this entry with this. Fuck you. I don't know who...anyone I guess, just seems to be what I want to say to everyone at the moment. And on with the entry.

One of the more frustrating aspects of my personality is my propensity to throw important things, like keys, in the garbage. It is well known at work that if we are missing something I probably threw it away. My problem is the fact that I go about my daily routines without really paying attention. I do things without awareness. One year I was cleaning my house the night before leaving for three weeks and when I was all finished and ready to go to bed I gathered up the things I would need for travel in the morning. But I couldnít find my glasses. I knew myself well enough to know that I had probably thrown them away while cleaning. So I went out to the garbage and started rifling through it. I still couldnít find them so I took out the five bags of garbage and started dumping them out in my front yard and rooting through it at 3 in the morning with a flashlight. I still did not find my glasses. The next morning I had to postpone our departure because I had to get new glasses. $350.00 later I am driving away for a three week vacation. Garbage stewn all over my yard is not an uncommon sight. But it isnít because I am a pig, it is because at least once a month I have to drag the rancid bags out of Herby and dig through them in search of something.

If I have two things in my hand, one intended for one place and the other for another, it is likely that the two things will end up in the wrong place. Like the phone in the freezer, or in the sink as I am apt to do. I usually collect my coffee mugs and the phone at the same time because the phone charger is in the kitchen and I have more than one time thrown the phone in the sink and went to hang up a coffee mug on the phone charger.

So this afternoon when I reached into my pocket for my car keys and found a wadded up paper towel it didnít take more than a second for me to realize what I had done. I had thrown my car keys in the garbage and put the paper towel in my pocket. So, if you happened to be the woman who saw me rooting through the garbage in the ladies room at John Rollins Books today, I apologize, Iím really not that sick. I just needed to get home.

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