DELVING BETWEEN THE TOES OF LIFE....I AM TOEJAM


2002-02-17 - 6:12 p.m.

I have a new goal. But I'm not going to tell anyone what it is.

Today when I went to a table to check on them, the girl asked me if I could melt the cheese on her eggs a little more. I told her that our microwave was broken, which it is, and I was sorry but there was really nothing I could do since we don't have an oven or a broiler or anything. She looked at me with disgust and said, "Hmmmph, well could I just get a hot chocolate then?" in a really irritated voice. I wasn't sure if she meant she didn't want her food because the cheese wasn't melted or if she wanted a hot chocolate in addition to her food. So I asked...that's better then just taking her food away or leaving it. I didn't know what she was getting at. And her reply? "What? Are you stupid?" Needless to say I charged them for every little thing I could. Even onions in their hashbrowns incurred a twenty five cent charge. And I took their jelly caddy away and conveniently forgot to bring it back until they were done with their toast. Fucking jackasses.

I was asked today to write a column in a little magazine some people at the college are putting together. And what kind of column you ask? A sex column. Yes, me, queen of the prudes is going to write a sex column. I am quite excited. This does mean that I will have to hone my writing skills a little, okay, a lot because there won't be an editor or anything. It will be good for me. I'll finally have to learn when to use the words then, than, affect, effect and where to put apostrophes. And I'll have to learn to stop using so many commas.

Wanted to mention that Jeff figured out one of my deepest, darkest secrets while we were chatting on AIM the other day. I can't decide whether I am horrified by it or if I am just plain astounded by his super sleuthing. He gets an A+ this week for not only being extremely resourceful but also for entertaining me during the quiet afternoon hours.

A very messy house is calling my name right now. Must go before the film on top of the dishes comes alive.

I'm adding to this entry right now, just got a joke from my Mother. For some reason I find it hysterical. So I am sharing.

THE JOKE THAT SPARES NOBODY: Snails? ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for some important guests. The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn't have any snails for the dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket to gather some snails. Very grudgingly he agreed. He took the bucket, walked out the door, down the steps, and out to the beach. As he was collecting the snails, he noticed a beautiful woman strolling alongside the water just a little further down the beach. He kept thinking to himself, "Wouldn't it be great if she would even just come down and talk to me?" He went back to gathering the snails. All of a sudden he looked up, and the beautiful woman was standing right over him. They started talking and she invited him back to her place. They ended up spending the night together. At seven o'clock the next morning he woke up and exclaimed, "Oh no!!! My wife's dinner party!!!" He gathered all his clothes, put them on real fast, grabbed his bucket, and ran out the door. He ran down the beach all the way to his apartment. He ran up the stairs of his apartment. He was in such a hurry that when he got to the top of the stairs, he dropped the bucket of snails. There were snails all down the stairs. The door opened just then, with a very angry wife standing in the door way wondering where he's been all this time. He looked at the snails all down the steps, then he looked at her, then back at the snails and said, "Come on guys, we're almost there!!"

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