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2002-01-07 - 6:02 p.m.
On Trading Spaces this afternoon they had a close up of Ty's hands.......I'm still all fluttery inside. My observation today. You can tell a lot about a person by how they react to traffic lights. When approaching a light I have found that I maintain a normal and relaxed frame of mind if that light is either red or if I have seen it turn green and know I have enough time to get through it before it turns yellow. I don't like approaching a light and not knowing if it is going to turn yellow and I despise seeing a yellow light and suddenly panicking because I don't know whether I have time to A. make it through safely or B. stop safely. And this is pretty true of my life. I like things to be pretty clear and concise. I like knowing EXACTLY what is going to happen. If all lights were going to be red upon approach I would be fine because I would know what to expect. I had a friend once that would go through any and all yellow lights, even if it had turned yellow and he had way more then enough time to stop. His theory was that everyone drove a lot safer then he did and they would look before going and see that he was coming through. He lived life on the edge, very on the edge. He also relied on people a lot. I am going to Florida. When I have trouble making a decision I play "the game". I devised this simple game at work a few years ago when we could never decide who was going to take a banquet. I just take two pieces of paper and write yes or no, mix them up in my hands and have someone pick a hand. You have to abide by what "the game" has decided for you, no questions no turning back. I've also used it to decide what to eat, what to do after work.....all sorts of things. If there is more then two choices you just mix all the choices in a bucket and draw from the bucket. But the most important part is that you never ever change your mind once you have picked a hand and been given your decision. And today I picked the hand that held the piece of paper that said "GO". So I am going. That is that. One of my News Years resolutions was that I would only eat french fries six times this year. I used to eat french fries all the time, they call to me I swear but once I made that resolution, bam, no more french fries calling out to me. It amazes me how resolute I am when I make oaths and resolutions. I never have a problem giving things up. There are only two things that I have a difficult time making into resolute choices. Those are quitting smoking and writing five pages a day. For some reason I cannot find that little area of my brain that makes other resolutions stick when it comes to those two things. I must learn how to program my mind better. I wish there was a button I could push. It's the quitting smoking thing that really perplexes me because it is about giving something up which I am really good at. The five page a day thing kind of makes sense because that is adding something and I'm not so great about adding, just subtracting. I am very piecey today. I feel like I'm going in a million directions again. Last night I started a new bed time ritual thing. For years I would sit in the bathtub for hours reading. Somehow I got away from that and while I still take a bath every night before bed I use it for mere cleansing purposes, to warm up and chill out before sleepy bed time. My bath now takes no more then twenty minutes and then I get in bed and read for an hour or so before falling asleep. Anyway, I decided I need to extend my bath time again because I am just not getting any relaxation in my days anymore. Last night I made a cup of chamomille tea, turned on some Vivaldi, lit candles and filled the bath with hot hot water and bath salts and read for an hour. I slept like a baby last night. No Osama dreams, no dreams about dead things in my bed. Just peaceful breathing. Perfect. |
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