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2001-12-14 - 6:35 p.m.
A lot of things occured as I made my dinner tonight. I will take you through this. Open refrigerator, go through mental notes to see how crappy I ate today so I can see how crappy I can eat for dinner, find that I must eat totally healthy or die because all I have had today is an english muffin with butter and peanut butter, two donuts, a french fry and a slice of pizza. I need protein and vegetables for dinner. Take eggs, green pepper, tomato, avocado and Red Hot out of refrigerator. Crack eggs and seperate the yolk from the white. Give cats the plate with yolks on it. Two of the five yolks have been punctured and are bleeding across the plate, the other three are happily congealed, intact, on the other side of the plate. Find only decent frying pan I have and suddenly am overtaken with sadness as I remember yet another reason I miss my ex-relationship and our annual trip tp Florida. There is a pan down there that I fell in love with. I intended to take it home with me last year but forgot, intended to retrieve it this year but will not be making that treck due to the fact that my relationship is now over. This pan was so awesome, eggs came out beyond perfect in it, I could even do the little wrist snap, egg flip thing in it. I consider at this point calling my ex and asking him to bring the pan home with him if he is going to Florida this year without me. Fortunately my phone has a dead battery. Fry eggs and glance at cats who have already devoured their snack, notice that they have only eaten the punctured yolks and have left the intact yolks to dry up and become egg raisins. I wonder why they didn't eat the intact yolks? There must be a protective membrane covering them that hides the scent of the egg or something. So I poke the yolks and call the kitties back and they happily eat the now punctured yolks. I then take out two more eggs and only give the cats the whites of these two eggs. They will not eat them. It is my conclusion that cats only like the yolk and if the yolk isn't punctured the cat can't smell the yolk hiding under the thin membrane of egg white. Egg whites are now fried and I place them on a plate and throw them in the microwave because I cannot stand ANYTHING slimy in my eggs. I cook the shit out of my eggs. My next observation is this.....NEVER EVER put a plate with little gold decorative items that says DO NOT PUT IN MICROWAVE in the microwave. I was busily sauteing my veggies, thinking that popping, cracking was from the eggs cooking, until I happened to turn around and see sparks all over the placeand then the fuse blew. Lovely. I traipse down to the basement to fix said fuse and promptly fall down six of my eleven steps. Shit. I fix fuse. Return to kitchen, take eggs out of buring inferno, place sauteed veggies on top, douse with Red Hot and....I sit down to eat and realize my little brother is still here. His father was supposed to pick him up at 4, he is an hour and a half late. I go to the living room to ask T. if his father is usually late and find him sound asleep on the couch with his hand in his pants. I am so embarrassed for him that I do not wake him up. I call his father who is the biggest asshole I know and is responsible for ruining most of my childhood, but who I have given credit to in the past for maintaining a relationship with his son and providing as well as he can for his son. His father is not home, cannot be found. So I call his fathers father and say, "Can I safely conclude that J. has forgotten to pick his son up and that I should rearrange my weekend to accomodate him while my Mother is out of town?" He says he has no idea what to say and I politely thank him and tell him to tell J. not to bother. So I wake T. by slamming the front door, I see him jerk his hand out of his pants and look around wildly. I tell him he is staying with me this weekend and I am going to the store to buy food. I ask him what he would like for breakfast. He says he's like the usual please. What's the usual you ask? It is white rice with cheddar cheese and broccoli on the side. This is what my brother likes to eat for breakfast. Which means I have to make it tonight and put it on a plate for him to put in the microwave, which I probably blew up, in the morning. He is fiteen but he has been coddled to the point that he cannot even prepare his own breakfast and I'll be damned if I'm going to allow his first independent cooking venture take place at my house while I'm at work. And then I sat down, realized I hadn't had a cigarette in five hours, I don't smoke around children for fear they will want to smoke too. So I crept down to the basement, had a smoke and realized I had just had a very eventful fiteen minutes. So I am sharing with you now, my faithful three readers. And now I am going to the store to buy rice and broccoli, and to chain smoke in my car while listening to my Trans Siberian Orchestra CD at top volume. Hope you enjoyed your dinners as much as I enjoyed mine. And FYI, I didn't eat but a bite of mine, I sat it on the floor instead and cats WILL eat COOKED egg whites, just not raw. Now I'm wondering if they would eat a COOKED YOLK since they ate the raw. God, now I have to go cook more eggs. |
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