|
2001-11-22 - 9:19 a.m.
Good Morning. Welcome to Thanksgiving. I thought this would be an appropriate day to start my new diary being that I am just so damn grateful for everything I have in this world and would like to gush my enthusiastic thanks here for you all to read and feel uplifted by....it seems though that I seem to have forgotten that I have nothing. But then again I find myself sitting here trying to think of the things I am thankful for, trying to conjure up some great, high priced items and then getting angry with myself because my society charged mind is thinking that because I am a poor waitress who can't afford a brand-new, shiny car or a swimming pool or anything for that matter, and my heart is singing inside me telling me to open my damn eyes. So yes, if I didn't feel so much pressure from the outside world I am amazingly happy. The only thing that makes me unhappy is the fact that I am twenty eight years old and am too scared of failure (again, the outside brainswashing of society) to make a go of being a writer. So here are the things I am grateful for..... My darling darling cats who I would cease to exist without. My darling darling family who as strange and dysfunctional as they may be have provided me endless hours of entertainment. My job which may be meaningless on a large scale but which provides me great hours, great money for a waitress and the opportunity to make people happier everyday. I think about people like "Rosebud" and how he and his wife come in all grouchy in the morning until they see me and then they light up and start laughing at my antics. My house as shitty as it may be because it is MINE and the potential is there to make it beautiful of I weren't so lazy and lethargic all the time. My friends who are few but with good reason. I have managed to filter out only the best possible people to be my friends. The people who I consider friends love me unconditionally and understand and tolerate my need to be alone most of the time. Gari. She is my most treasured possesion and the only thing I ever had that made me happy to have done well in school. If I could have always gotten a thing like Gari from my parents for having done well in school I never would have started fucking up. My coffee maker. My plants. My candles. My bathtub. My big, white, squishy bed. My Joy of Smoking calender. My addiction to smoking. My robe. My books. Moments in life that are so shrouded by alocohol induced euphoria that they seem too amazingly happy and perfect to be real. Making soup from scratch. Making anything from scratch. Vacations. And memories from the past that instill a moments peace within me. Seeeee....there are so many things for which I am grateful and really not one of them has to do with any sort of success. So screw the people that badger me to go to college, screw the people that can't see that I actually have reached the very tip of success in my life. I am almost exactly where I want to be, how many people can say that? So have a great thanksgiving all. PLease refrain from calling it "turkey day", unless you are honoring LIVE turkeys. I find it very offensive when people call it turkey day. Just makes a mockery of murdering helpless animals. W |
| 