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2023-02-15 - 1:03 a.m.
I, oddly, love Valentine's Day. I've never understood my proclivity to celebrating it. I eschew other holidays like a plague upon a plague (except Thanksgiving, I do me a good Thanksgiving but that's mostly just because I like to cook and see my family, it has nothing to do with it being a holiday). But, Valentine's Day, I love it for some, odd reason. I worked a fourteen hour shift today, serving happy, not so happy, content, not so content couples all day. And my heart is wrecked in a billion ways right now but I still showed up to work decked out in hearts and sparkles and I still got a bit teary eyed by the mature couple at the end of the bar who held hands the entire time they were in the restaurant. It wasn't obligatory handholding, I could tell that. I know they just hold hands all the time and it's the most natural thing they know. I love love. Anyway, I'm home now. I have a ton of food to eat and I am rather hungry, I just have no desire. I made a breakfast burrito and a smoothie this morning to get me through the first part of my double shift but I didn't consume either. And, I had packed snacks that I didn't eat, either. Around 3, I ordered a pizza and a salad, neither of which I ate. So I came home with three meals and I'm laying in bed eating frozen raspberries. My mother had round two of chemo today. I absolutely know that I keep making myself sick so I can't deal with anything these days. I don't know if that's ok or not. I should fucking be there. I should be a lot of fucking places. |
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