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2008-08-02 - 11:14 p.m.
I have a lot of things coming up in the next few months. I've decided to become an artist (again) (I mean, again I've decided to become an artist, not I've decided to become an artist again as though I've already been one...because I haven't). I have stained glass classes to take and sewing classes. I would like to make furniture and later...once I've decided that I have rational skills...I might become a mechanic. Anyway. It's difficult for me to leave my current job just yet (even though my boss is out of his mind and I can't stand him and I'm not making any money there) because I am finally in my "groove" and need to stay there for moment. I am getting my own thoughts back. When I am falling asleep I am seeing colors and patterns again. I am dreaming about words. That's pertinent. **** On Thursday the necklace I have been wearing for nineteen years...the one that belonged to my beloved beloved maternal grandmother...cracked and I can no longer wear it. I am devastated. But then today I received a call from my father telling me that my other grandmother is dying from cancer and that she wants me to get there as soon as possible because she wants to give me some important pieces of jewelry. I don't know what to say about all of that. Except that I don't like life. Because it ends. There should always be hope or it just isn't worth it.
**** Anyway...the next few months are going to be busy. I am planning to go to Kalamazoo once a week to see my beautiful grandmother and help her with whatever she needs help with. At the end of life we all just want to be organized. Which is why I will definitely live to be 120...it will take me that long to organize my stuff. I wonder whether there's been a study about that. About organized people dying sooner than unorganized people? **** Eric is in Amsterdam (for business) right now. He finagled a weekend out of the whole deal. But he has bronchitis. Last time I talked to him today he had a brownie and some mushroom tea in his possession. I imagine that he is now sleeping. I am rather happily spending a weekend alone. I have magazines and wine for tomorrow and a fridge full of experimental foods to mess around with. I want to make something deep and mushroom-y. **** I felt confident in my territory this evening and took a long drive on the way home from work. I wanted to end up somewhere dense with summer smells and big farms. I drove down country roads with my windows down and breathed it all in. It kind of made time stand still. **** That is all |
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