DELVING BETWEEN THE TOES OF LIFE....I AM TOEJAM


2005-03-30 - 9:23 a.m.

Fuck.

Got NOTHING accomplished yesterday. Was SUPPOSED to (in the neat little ordered plan in my mind) go to Chicago�get my visa, pick up cat kennels and come home and be ready to go in less than a month. Instead�NO VISA (it wasn�t ready yet and no telling when it will be ready) and NO KENNELS (because cat guy didn�t ever call me back to tell me if it was okay to come there to pick them up until yesterday afternoon at 2 and by then we were getting ready to come home). So. I am still in limbo about this move. I am reluctant to set a date to move because what if my visa doesn�t come through until the 30th of April and I leave on the 26th and then I have to FLY BACK (NO I WON�T!!!) to get it?

However. We did have a nice dinner with my brother and his fantastic girlfriend. It was a really cool place. While I would like to explore the vegetarian restaurants of Chicago a little more�it was cool to go to this place too. It was a fondue place and it was nice to have something different. And it was a place of really good atmosphere, like I like. There is a restaurant in Paris that I love to go to even though I don�t care for the food. I just like how the place feels inside, I like the experience of the dinner.

And�I also went SHOPPING. In the past week I have paid full price for TWO items of clothing. This is UNPRECEDENTED. I have not paid full price for an item of clothing in probably five years. I spent ONE HUNDRED dollars at HM buying cool clothes yesterday. And while it felt good�and I was excited to have some cool clothes to wear out when I am in Spain�I also still have this pit of guilt in my stomach about it. I�ve purchased $200 worth of clothes in the last week. And I DO need them, I have nothing at all to wear if we go out, which we will. And it�s been a long time since I had new things to wear�but man, $200 could have bought me a lot of other REALLY needed things. Like heat and water.

So now I am home. I took four days off work. To go to Chicago, to get this house cleaned up for inspection, to drive Eric to Detroit to get on a plane. I don�t want to go back to work. I am totally winding down. But I am realizing that as much as I hate work and as much as it totally stresses me out�I kind of need it. The kind of stress work puts on me is an agitated stress. The kind of stress I feel when I don�t work is a panic, unfocused stress. I need that work thing to keep me focused. I guess I will have to learn to deal with not working.

My nerves are completely sizzled. I can actually feel them sizzling. It�s very strange. I feel this actual, tangible need to like coat the ends of my nerves with something. I keep thinking of strands of hair with split ends. That is how my nerves feel. I want some serum I can coat them with to smooth them out.

We stayed at the Palmer House this time in Chicago. Last time we stayed at The Drake. I hate the Drake. I mean, it was cool and historic and opulent�but for the love of god�they just raped you for money and it wasn�t THAT opulent. I would have paid more for the Palmer House than the Drake. The Palmer House had this AWESOME fitness room, a pool, a sauna, a steam room and more cardio equipment than my GYM. And they don�t rape you. At The Drake�if you wanted more coffee for your in room coffee maker you had to pay $1.00 for each serving more that you wanted. I found that ridiculous. Also, if you checked out late they charged you half of the room charge. And if you wanted a bottle of wine in your room (we brought one) you had to pay (we didn�t) a corkage fee of $20. It�s like EVERYTHING was an extra charge. ON TOP of the stupid rate you already paid. Anyway, I hate The Drake and feel like I should write a letter to Hilton and tell them they are doing an injustice to The Drake. Poor Drake.

Husband wants to get his hair cut tomorrow and I need a haircut too. But I just don�t want to make an appointment for us because the last time we both got our hair cut at the same time the people at the salon were like, �oh, it�s so cute that you get your hair cut at the same time.� Like we were having a spa day together or something.

I saw this purse in Chicago that I really want. I should have bought it yesterday. But it was $85. And that is stupid. But now I am just thinking about this purse and how I should have it.

Cleaning now.

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