DELVING BETWEEN THE TOES OF LIFE....I AM TOEJAM


2003-11-02 - 1:06 p.m.

I'm breaking under the stress. I cannot fly today, I just cannot. I am freaking out. Everything is making me want to cry because I am sure it is the last time I will see it. It's really pathetic when someone starts to cry and say goodbye to the leg press at the gym.

I was thinking about my fear today, of course. I think the reason, other than the fact that if I die my cats will suffer, is that I am simply scared of not being able to fight death. You know, when you are in a plane crash you simply can't fight for life, you just blow up on impact. If I were in a car accident at least I would still be able to fight. Maybe it is why I am not so scared of little planes, or of jumping out of a plane, because then I might have a chance. I don't have a chance on a big old stupid jet.

Anyway, it's a nice realization when you suddenly realize that you are a fighter.

I am turning off this computer now, packing it up. Hopefully not for the last time.

I LOVE YOU MAMA, ZACH, TAUR, KITTTTTIIIIEESSS.

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