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2002-04-03 - 7:04 p.m.
I still have the overwhelming feeling that I am annoying people. And from the two
entries in my guestbook today I can safely conclude that I am at least annoying some
diarylanders. Sorry.
I think I might have special powers. I�m thinking this is the reason I am annoying
people. I don�t necessarily think it is anything I am doing, rather I think it is people
picking up on the fact that I have special powers and since they have never encountered
anyone with special powers before they can�t figure out how to deal with me and so they
just get agitated.
I also remembered that I for real swallowed a large piece of aluminum foil a few
weeks ago, it was stuck to my sandwich and before I could spit it out my throat just
decided to swallow instead of spit. Ummm...yes, I�m sure a lot of you men out there are
wishing your girlfriends and wives had a throat that decides to swallow when her mind is
saying spit...but I digress. Anyway, I�m wondering if the aluminum foil is demagnetizing
my energy field or something, making me intolerable to be around?
Or maybe I�ve lost my mind and I am actually saying things I am thinking out loud.
Like maybe I said, �You�re a major fuckwad asshole,� to the customer who was leaving
the other day and flashed me a rather vivid SHUT UP YOU ANNOYING LITTLE TURD
look when I thought I said, �Have a good day.�
This could realistically be the case because today when I went to get my caramel
mocha at the coffee shop I encountered a new guy working there. Oh happiness. The guy
was smoldering and when he looked up from his book my knees went weak. And as I was
ordering I was thinking to myself, �I�d like to rip your clothes off, tie you to that chair
you�re sitting on and pour espresso, milk and caramel over your body so I can lick it off.
And then I�d like to cover your lips in chocolate and bite them, HARD,� so maybe that�s
what I said instead of ordering my demure little coffee drink and maybe that�s why he got
so flustered as I was ordering and knocked over his tip jar and then tripped on the very
chair I wanted to tie him to. Maybe he wasn�t just so irritated with my voice while I was
ordering that he got befuddled...maybe he was just scared because I said I wanted to dump
hot coffee on his naked body and eat his lips off his face.
Needless to say I am going to bring my mini tape recorder with me tomorrow, just to
make sure I�m not saying things like, �Hey FATASS, get out my fucking way and maybe
you should back away from the ice cream cooler, is there even enough room for you to
move in the 10� by 10� section?� When I really think I am saying, �Umm...pardon me
sir.� |
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